WHIRLWIND OF EMOTIONS.

  Last week on Wednesday night we met with our CPS worker who told us that E is going to go live with her Maternal Grandpa. She will be leaving us in about two weeks or less. The next day (Thursday) I got a call from Josh at work telling me that my Dad went to see his doctor and he now has about 6 months left to live give or take. I remember sitting at my desk, trying my best to hold my tears back....I just couldn't. They came...a flood of tears streaming down my face. I got up from my desk and went in to tell my boss what was happening. He immediately got up from his desk, gave me a big hug and said "Go home. You need to be with your Dad right now." I rushed out of work to come home and see my Dad. I cried the whole way home asking God why this was all happening at once. Once I arrived home, it seemed as if I couldn't get out of my car fast enough to get in our house. As I walked through the door, my Dad looked at me confused and said "Why are you home from work so early?" I looked at him with tears in eyes..."I'm here Dad. I'm here for you and I will always be. I love you so much. I hope you know that. I hope you know just how very much I love you." My mind is consumed with everything. I have a whirlwind of emotions and I can't pinpoint exactly how I feel. I have fear of the unknown and I don't know why this time around I am having so much trouble trusting God through all of this. I am feeling emotions of loss, loss of E and eventually the loss of my Dad. I am exhausted. Exhausted emotionally. Since Wednesday, I have been on my knees crying out to my God asking for peace, comfort and direction through all of this. Deep down, I also feel as though the timing is perfect though because with having E around, it makes it very hard to get to spend any time with my Dad (if you are a Mother, you probably understand...its' go go 24/7). Josh made a good point to me that maybe God is possibly removing her from our lives so that I can spend all the time I can with my Dad before he passes. I also feel like He placed her into our lives at the perfect time too so my Dad could get to experience being a Grandpa and see me being a mother since he wont be here to see our own kids. She has been a blessing for my Dad mentally. She will always run into his room doing something funny saying "Grandpa Grandpa watch me watch me!" and he will smile and laugh. Sometimes things happen and we may not understand why or Gods plan for all of it. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense to us. Sometimes we just have to trust that He has a purpose and a plan and that He is bigger and can make even the impossible become possible. In the days ahead I know I am going to experience loss, heartache and fear of the unknown... but I also know its going to be a journey with my God, a journey where I can walk holding His hand every step of the way trusting that He knows what's best and will comfort me whenever I need Him to.  Heres to my God that is good, faithful, loving and bigger than anything.        

MOO.

Lately I have really been considering starting my own photography company. I did my first engagement session a few months ago and had so much fun with it. You can view the pictures HERE. I got so many compliments from friends, family and co-workers about how great the pictures looked and a handful of them recommended that I think about starting my own business on the side. Since High School, I have always had a passion for photography. Last year for Christmas, I got a brand new Nikon and now my passion for photography has increased even more. The more that I think about it, the more I want to just take a leap and just do it. I am going to be photographing my best friends little boys birthday party in July and want to be able to have business cards that I can hand out if someone asks. One of my friends told me about looking into Moo for business cards. One their website when you search for business card designs, they have different categories off to the left hand side such as Arts & Crafts, Beauty, Health and Spa, Fashion, Photography & Film, etc. My favorites are the Snap Happy Landscape and the Snap Happy Portrait. Another option that I love is their mini cards too! Look how cute these are!! They also have the option if you want to design your own business cards too. Their website is clean, simple and very easy to navigate. If you are looking to get some new business cards, check out Moo!

IT'S NOT GOODBYE....BUT SEE YOU LATER.

I broke the news to my Mom about E leaving just the night before after our Case Manager left. I called her and we both sobbed on the phone together. She told me she wanted to see her as much as she possibly could before she left. Last night we went out to dinner with my Mom and her fiance to Rudy's BBQ (mmm mmm good!!) and took a ton of pictures together. E loves my heart sunglasses. "Mama...can I wear your hearts.. pretty please...pretty please?!?!" This picture that Josh captured of my Mom and E is my favorite. She loves kisses and lots of them. I taught her how to give Eskimo kisses too and she loves that!
 From the moment E stepped into our home, I had an instant connection with her. She was attached to me and I was attached to her. It wasn't too long after that she started calling me Mommy. When you hear a child call you Mommy for the very first time, your world turns upside down for just a moment and your heart skips a beat or two. I hoped and prayed that she would be with us forever. With my Mom, she had that same connection too. From the very first time she met my Mom, she started calling her Grandma (of course you could imagine how my Mom felt! She melted and took it all in!) They instantly bonded and its so funny to watch the two of them together. They laugh, dance, and sing together. One day when we were over my Mom's house swimming, we got out of the pool and had some homemade sorbet.  My Mom took a bite and said "MMMMM MMMM GOOD!" E started laughing hysterically and then copied my Mom. The two of them went back and forth for a good 15 minutes taking turns and then laughing hysterically together. 
 "I have only known E for just a short amount of time and I love her so very much. She is such a sweet little girl and has such a joyous spirit about her. I am going to miss her SO much. I love that little girl. I really wish she didn't have to go. This is SO hard Kimberly. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I'm so sorry. I just pray to God every day that she will get just as much love, attention, affection and care that you and Josh have given her. I will always love her and she will forever have a huge place in my heart. It's not goodbye...but see you later." -Mom

GOODNIGHT KISSES.

It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I feel just that way about this one. Josh snapped this picture last night of E (can't disclose her name) giving me kisses just before putting her to bed. I tear up every time I look at it..which has been a lot. It makes me feel happy, grateful and very blessed by a loving Heavenly Father to be able to care for His children.
Since fostering, God has placed so many other foster Mom's directly in my path. I have become close with a lot them and I am grateful for each one. We are able to talk, relate to one another, cry with each other, and lift each other up as we are all on this journey together trying to make a difference in this world one child at a time. I posted this picture on my Instagram last night and got a flood of comments, texts and emails.
This morning I woke up to a comment on yesterday's post from a women named Elizabeth. Her comment completely brought me to tears on my drive from work. I don't know her, but I feel like I do. It doesn't show her picture, but she is someone that I would definitely want to get to know. Elizabeth, if you are reading this post right now, I would love to connect with you and get to know you better. You seem like such an amazing woman, with such a huge warm and gentle heart. Your comment has really touched my soul and has made my day today. Thank you so so much Elizabeth!

For all the rest of you who are praying for us and thinking of our family, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means more to us than you know, so thank you! I will continue to keep you updated............
Have a great day!!

I'M NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE JUST YET.

We have had the wonderful blessing of having E in our home for a little over 8 weeks now. This past week I have been really praying fervently about God's will for our family and His will for her. I have learned...when you ask God for something, be prepared for Him to answer! Yesterday there was a court hearing in the morning and last night we met our new ongoing CPS worker. On my drive home from work, I kept praying that we would get an update on her case or some good news. I told myself...whatever happens has to happen. It's all in His hands..so I rested my thoughts on that. We received just the opposite of what we desired to hear. She first asked us about E to see how she has been adjusting in our home and if there is anything that we should tell her that they would need to know about. In the next breath, she mentioned the word "transitioning" (of course you could imagine what I instantly felt as I heard that one simple word). My stomach immediately dropped and my heart instantly starting aching as the tears streamed down my face. 
She told us that E would be moving on to live with her Grandpa, his wife and her 6 year old sister. From day one when she was placed into the foster care system, CPS was trying to search out family for her to live with and they had no luck. Her Grandpa somehow found out that she was removed and placed within the system. He immediately called and told them he wanted to care for her and her older sister. The ultimate goal in Foster Care is always reunification with the biological parents or other family members that can care for the child or children. Our CPS worker couldn't give us an exact time frame on how much longer she will be with us, but she estimated about 10 days or less...but nothing longer than that. It could be any day now. So we wait.
The time that we have been able to spend with her has been so bittersweet. I will always love her and will miss her like crazy. She will always have a huge place in my heart. Josh and I are going to take the short amount of time that we have left with her to have a lot of fun, continue to give her all the love that we possibly can, and to cherish every moment for the next week or less. I really don't have any words to describe just how much my heart is aching right now. I have been praying for strength, comfort and peace...and mostly for E and her little heart. I know I need to continue to lean on God for strength and trust in Him. I know that God doesn't cause pain without allowing something new to be born. (Isaiah 66:9) He is always faithful. I am ready to continue this wonderful journey that He has prepared for our family. I know that if I am brave and strong enough to say Goodbye, that He will bless us with a new Hello.

THE TOUCH OF A CHILD'S HAND.

The promise of tomorrow

And the hope of dreams come true,

A reminder of the childhood

That is still a part of you.

The wonder of a miracle

From which this love began

There is so much found

In the touch of holding a child's hand.

$20 TO MODEST POP: GIVEAWAY!

  Happy Monday guys! Hope you had a fabulous weekend.  Ours was filled with friends, family and pool party fun! 
If you knew anything about me, dressing modestly is a huge deal to me. When I choose to dress modest, I believe it sends a message of purity and honor. It shows that I have self-respect and self-control over my body. When I dress modestly, I am saying that I posses inner qualities for which I should gain appropriate attention and value from others.  I am always trying to find places where I can find modest tops, dresses, and skirts...Modest Pop is perfect for finding just what I need! All of their dresses, skirts and tops are stylish, sophisticated, and chic, yet they are all modest. I am completely in love with this awesome skirt that I was able to chose from Modest Pop. Thank you Camille! I love the bright cobalt blue color, the stretchy comfortable material and mostly the peplum detail along the top. A few weeks ago, my Dad surprised me with two new pairs of shoes, these cobalt blue ones being one of them. They matched perfectly! It was meant to be I guess! Next on my list is this dress and this skirt.
Today I have a fun giveaway for you guys... $20 store credit to Modest Pop.
 Enter using the Rafflecopter widget below!

 

Skirt: Modest Pop // Top: Boutique // Shoes: Gift //  Sunnies: Tillys // Hat: Target // Jewelry: Down East Basics   Use diary10 as a 10% off coupon code good through July 23rd.
  a Rafflecopter giveaway

RED, WHITE AND BOUQ #BOUQLOVE

I am a member of the Markerly Community.  This shop has been  compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for #MeetMarkerly and its advertiser.
Josh and I are huge fans of Shark Tank. What we usually do is record the entire series on our dvr and then when we have time, we will snuggle up in bed and watch a few episodes together. Some nights its like a Shark Tank marathon for us and we love every bit of it! I love seeing the different inventions/ideas that people come up with. Most of the ideas are great and I always think "Why didn't I think of that?!?!" On one episode that we were watching the other night, there was a company called The Bouqs that were presenting their idea to the "sharks." The Bouqs Company has their very own flower farm, growing fresh flowers in the rich soil of an active volcano. All their bouquets are cut to order and are sent directly to your doorstep. The Bouqs take the pain and confusion out of choosing which flowers to get. Their pricing is set at a flat fee of $40 for all original size bouquets plus FREE shipping. This allows you to choose the bouquet you love without thinking of the price! The Bouqs have been seen on Shark Tank, The Today Show and Popsugar. They have also been featured in a few magazines such as O! Oprah and Forbes too. They are changing the flower industry one bouquet at a time! 
With Fourth of July right around the corner, The Bouqs are bringing back their Red, White and Bouq (red, white and blue roses) Check them out HERE! This fun bouquet is the perfect gift to bring with you to that Fourth of July party you might be attending. Hosting a party on the Fourth? How great would these look on your counter or table for your guests to see?!?! I want to host a party now, just so I can order this gorgeous bouquet for my counter!
 Check out their other flower selections HERE.

WORDS OF A TODDLER.

  "Mama I have hiccups. Can you give me a band-aid for my hiccups in my throat??"
We had to pick up our car at the shop the other night. I drove one car, Josh drove the other. She shouted out in the back, "Daddy! Wait for me! Mama, drive faster and catch my Daddy!"
Putting on one of my fedora hats, she will take it off and bow at me and say "Mama your majesty" Place it back on her head, take it off and bow down again "Mama your majesty." (she will do this over and over and over and over again)
We had friends over last night for dinner. Josh had the house all clean when I got home from work, which I was so grateful for. As I was changing, she stood in front of our closet threw her hands up in the air saying "Mama! This is a mess! We better get this cleaned up right away before our friends come over to my house!"

"Here Shadow...you can wear my necklace too! I will share it with you."

BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT KIT-KAT BAR!

Gimme a break! Gimme a break! Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!
The other day I was uploading some images onto my laptop of...lets just called her "E" from now on okay?  I was uploading some images of E. As I was putting all the pictures into the folder, I came across these pictures I took awhile back when I taught a lesson "I Can Prepare For Baptism" in Primary. I made these for the kids in my class and got the idea HERE. I thought it would be a great reminder for them and I know that they all love chocolate..who doesn't right!?!? I love having the opportunity to teach them. They have such a strong desire to learn about God and Jesus Christ. They make me want to be better. They are such an example to me and I love each and every single one of them dearly.   

   

FEEDING THE DUCKS.

Right down the street from our house there is this little lake with a water fountain in the center of it. It's so pretty and peaceful. It's the perfect spot to have a picnic. Before she was placed in our home, every time we drove by I used to tell Josh "When we get our first placement, I want to come down here and feed the ducks!" So on Saturday afternoon that is just what we did. She had such a blast. She was smiling and giggling the entire time and shouting "Mama this is very much fun!" (that is toddler talk for you). As we were getting ready to leave, we started walking to the car. She turned around and said "Mama..the ducks are running after us! Run! Run!" There was this one white duck that was super fast, so fast that at one point I thought I would have to pick her up and run. I immediately grabbed her hand and we ran together saying "Run! Run" while we laughed and ran away from the white duck. When we got back to the car she leaned over and put her hands on her knees trying to catch her breathe and said "Phew! That was a close one Mama....but those ducks can't catch us!" while shaking her finger. I just love her to pieces! She brings so much happiness into our home and I am so grateful that we get to care for her at this time in her life. I hope and pray that she won't ever leave, but in the end I have to trust God and His plan, not mine.    

 

 

 

HIS FIRST FATHER'S DAY.

Today is Josh's first official Father's Day. I cannot even begin to find the words to express how lucky I am to have him as my Husband. Now he is a Father to this precious little girl that has been with us for a little over seven weeks. I love him so much, but seeing him as a Daddy now has deepened my love for him even more. I love watching him tickle her until she can't laugh anymore, picking her up and squeezing her while giving her smooches on her face, reading books together and cuddling close, making funny faces at each other and laughing hysterically, and most of all just being Josh.....wonderful, loving, gentle, funny and caring Josh.
Josh..if you are reading this or ever get around to reading this, I want you to know just how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you as my eternal companion.  I couldn't have asked for more. Because of the man you are, loving you comes easily. You are such a wonderful Husband and Father. I am so excited to continue to see what the Lord has in store for us and for our family. Best part is I get to experience and spend the rest of this life and the eternities with you...this makes my heart skip a bazillion beats! Love you!

You can find the tutorial for the dress shirt card HERE     

"MAMA..I WANT TO FLY!"

I hear these words so often. "Mama...I want to fly?!?" "You need wings to fly honey." "Okay Mama, then let's go to the store and buy some wings then!"
Yesterday I made a trip to Dollar Tree over my lunch hour to get a few things. As I was walking up and down the aisles putting things in my cart (things I probably didn't need, but thought hey it's just a buck right?) I expect this to happen every time I go to Dollar Tree. I go in for a few things and always come out with more than I had on my list. Always. As I walking down the toy aisle, I came across some fairy wings. I thought they would be the perfect surprise to bring home and I knew she would LOVE them. 
When I got home, I made her close her eyes so I could surprise her.  As her eyes were closed and she was trying to peak, I told her:
"You know how you always tell Mama that you want to fly? Well I have a surprise for you. But first I want you to know just how much I love you and that you can always fly whenever or where ever you want. Okay you can open your eyes now"
"OOOOOOOHHHHHHH Mama! Wings! Wings! They are so beautiful!"
She ended up wearing them for the rest of the night fluttering all over  the house saying "Look Mama! Look! I can fly! I can fly! I feel so blessed that God has entrusted us to care for this sweet little girl. His little girl.  I am so happy that she is with us right now and however long she will continue to be with us.
I am also so happy that we have been able to provide her with a healthy, fun, and loving environment  where she can learn, grow and be loved unconditionally. Josh and I will continue to give her all of that and so much more. I want her to learn and know that she can fly (not physically fly of course), but that she can do anything that she sets her mind to. That she can have hopes, dreams, desires, wishes and that God will be by her side always, every step of the way to lead her, guide her and make all of those things come true in His perfect timing. That she is an over-comer and will be unstoppable if she always puts God first in her life and trusts in Him with everything. I know that He will bless her time and time again.  
With God on her side, she can fly above and beyond anything that she  can even begin to imagine...because with God all things are possible!! 
HAPPY FRIDAY GUYS! Make it a good one!!

Got 5 minutes? 3 Bible Stories on Strong Mother Figures

The Bible contains great examples for people from all walks of life. Here are three Bible stories that illustrate the power of faithful women and mothers.

Ruth - An Example of Faith

After the death of her husband, Ruth chose to continue living with her mother-in-law, Naomi. This decision meant she would not be returning live with her biological family in Moab, an area that revered traditions that did not align with the truths of the God of Israel. Naomi encouraged Ruth to return to her own mother, but Ruth demonstrated great faith, hope, and love for Naomi when she said: “. . . whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God” (Ruth 1:16). Ruth chose to forsake family, friends and other familiarities to stay with Naomi so she could continue to live in righteousness. Ruth was willing to sacrifice much to do what was right and exercised great faith to embrace truth. Ruth was blessed; she eventually married again, and through her lineage, the Savior was born.

Hannah - An Example of Prayer

Hannah is another woman in the Bible who demonstrates sacrifice and faith. Hannah was unable to have children, leaving her in bitterness of soul. In faith, Hannah turned to the Lord in prayer and “poured out [her] soul before” Him (1 Sam. 1:15). Hannah vowed that if the Lord would grant to her a child, she would give him to the Lord, or raise him to follow the teachings of the Lord all the days of his life. Hannah’s prayers were answered and her son, Samuel, was born. Hannah kept her promise and sent Samuel to be raised in the Temple of the Lord. Samuel later became a great prophet. Hannah’s love for the Lord, her faith and her sacrifice are great examples to us of how to pattern our own lives.

Eve - An Example of Motherhood

Eve was a great mother. She was the first of all women and a great example of how to live and raise children in righteousness.

In “Lessons from Eve,” a talk given by Russell M. Nelson, he highlights five things Eve accomplished during her life which we can also emulate:

1. She labored beside her companion (see Moses 5:1).

2. She and Adam bore the responsibilities of parenthood (see Moses 5:2).

3. She and her partner worshipped the Lord in prayer (see Moses 5:4).

4. She and Adam heeded divine commandments of obedience and sacrifice (see Moses 5:5, 6).

5. She and her husband taught the gospel to their children (see Moses 5:12).

As a mother, you have the power to make a difference. Read tips on giving your children what matters most here.

**Stories taken from here