Magical

"Mama. You are so magical. I love you like a BIG heart!"

These sweet words from her little lips gave me chills up and down my body as my eyes started to swell up. I instantly grabbed her little body into my arms and hugged her ever so tightly. It touches my heart deep to the core knowing that in her eyes she believes I am magical. It makes me feel as if I am doing something right and being the best Mama I can be for her.

It's moments like these that I grasp and hold onto so tightly. I wish I could bottle each and every single one of these moments up and seal them forever. Sometimes I feel like these moments will eventually end or I will fail to recognize them and they will slip right through my fingers.

The truth is, moments like these are everything to me. They are something to cherish and always remember.

Motherhood is such an amazing journey. Truly a gift from Him above.

Some Really Exciting News

 

We received the best letter in the mail last week. Our adoption court date has been set for June 8th and we couldn't be more excited! We have had this sweet girl since April of last year. It has definitely been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Fostering has been one of the best things I have experienced in my life, but also one of the most difficult too. It has been an emotional roller coaster filled with happiness, joy, gratitude, sorrow, heartache, fear, and doubt. Would I have changed any of it or have I ever wished that we would have never accepted this call to foster? Absolutely not. I wouldn't trade any of those emotions or any of the difficult times for anything. Nothing at all. In just a little over a month, this little angel with be apart of our forever family and that makes it all so worth it.

I'm Not Disappointed

December 9th. That is court date that is set for severance of E's Mom's rights. Believe me when I say that am counting down the days until that exact date...because I am. I have been waiting for her to be ours forever. I was ready from the moment that she walked through our door. Yesterday we had an unexpected hearing for E. The hearing was scheduled for her younger sister and brother. Last minute, (late last week) we heard about this hearing and our Case Manager told us that it would be great if we could be there, including E. She was going to attempt to present something called a "drive by severance" to the Judge. This normally happens when there are other siblings involved and each sibling has a different court date for possible severance or reunification with their parents. They present this drive by severance to the Judge in hopes that if they are already going to do severance on the other siblings then why wait for the other child or children. Our Case Manager has warned us that it might happen and it might not so not to get our hopes up.

When we arrived at the court house with E, we walked in praying for God's will and His perfect timing. As we approached the courtroom to wait to enter, there was a man standing walking back and forth staring out the window. First glance I knew he was E's brother's Dad. He glanced over at us, especially E a few times then finally walked over to us.

"Is that E?"

"Yes it is. My Husband and I are her foster parents."

Tears came to his eyes. "Last time I saw her was when she was only 7 or 8 months old and her Mom was trying to give her away to her friend because she didn't want her anymore. I actually have quite a few baby pictures of her if you would like to have them?"

"Of course I would! That would be awesome. Thank you so much. Hey....I wish you the best of luck today and my Husband and I really respect the right decision that you have made to step up to the plate and care for your son. That will mean so much to him and he needs you more than ever right now."

We were finally called into the courtroom. As I sat down in between Josh and E, I really thought about why we were there. We were there to support E, to be a voice for her and to fight for her until the end no matter what the outcome may be. I cannot tell you how good that felt. Even thinking about it now gives me goose bumps all over.

The hearing only lasted about 30 minutes. It was interesting to hear the other cases for E's brother and sister. Towards the end, the Judge asked:

 "Are the foster parents of E in the courtroom right now?"

"Yes your honor" as Josh and I raised our hands.

"I just want to first of all thank you for all that you are doing for this child and want to ask you if there is anything that we can do or if there is any kind of statement that you would like to express here today"

I immediately spoke up "Yes your honor I would like to say a few words. I just want to let you know that E has been in our home since April. She is such a special little girl in so many ways and such a joy to have in our home. She has grown and thrived tremendously and we love her so much"

"Thank you for your statement and thank you so much for taking the time to be here."

I could feel the hearing coming to an end and my gut was telling me that it wasn't going to happen...which it didn't. Instead of feelings of disappointment, I had feelings of peace and hope knowing that this is all in God's hands and in His perfect timing. I think it was a huge blessing and an advantage for us to just be able to be there in the first place. Being able to make a connection with E's brother's Dad, having the Judge see us there and being able to speak on behalf of E.

26 days today until December 9th! We are pushing forward with faith and hope in our God that is WAY bigger than the foster care system! 

Wish us luck!

What We Wore Wednesday and a Foster Care Update

On Monday, we got the opportunity to attend a Foster Care Review Board Meeting for E. 

A Foster Care Review Board Meeting advises the juvenile court on progress toward achieving a permanent home for a child or children involved in a dependency action and in an out-of-home placement. There are 5 volunteer board members. The well-being of these children is the highest concern to these board members. I am so grateful to them for the time and effort they put into insuring that each child can find a forever home.

I am also grateful that Josh and I as foster parents where able to be there to be a voice for E. To express our concerns, our opinions and also tell them how great E is doing in our home and just how much we love and adore her. They asked us if we would have any interest in adopting her. Josh and I both shook our heads right away at the same time and said most definitely!

Our Case Manager also showed up to the meeting too which was a HUGE blessing for us, because she bragged and bragged to the board about Josh and I and also told them about how E is growing and thriving in our home, how happy she really is and how she calls Josh "Daddy" and me "Mommy". She called our home the perfect home and expressed that she wishes that we could take in more children to love and care for. She express to the board that she has been a Case Manager for a long time and that she believes that there is a forever home out there for each child.

The board was also very elated that we were there as E's foster parents supporting her and fighting for her. She is worth the fight in every single way. Every. Single. Way.

E's Mom is still no where to be found. She has been in contact with her Dad, but presents no interest in trying to get her children back. She has missed numerous visits, court hearings and other important meetings. It's sad. Very sad. I pray a lot for her.

Towards the end of the meeting, the "head" of the board pointed to our Case Manager and said:

"Mom obviously has no interest or desire to get her children back. It's been months. There has been no contact and no effort on her part whatsoever. The board's final vote is to have the Mother's right severed as quickly as possible and get these children in permanent homes. Homes that are going to love and care for these children like they should be loved and cared for."

The next step in all of this is for the board members to present their opinions and final decision to the Judge and then the Judge will make the final call. (fingers crossed)

After the meeting was over, the head of the board came around to us, shook our hands and thanked us for all that we have done for E and for stepping up to the plate to make a difference in these kiddos lives. 

I was ecstatic after leaving the meeting and cried like a baby on the way back to work thanking God repeatedly for His faithfulness, His goodness, and His love throughout all of this. Some days I ponder and think about how we got here...how we got to this point in our lives. I never thought in a million years that I would be a foster Mother fostering these sweet wonderful children. I have been praying and praying fervently for over a year to get pregnant. I guess the Lord had different plans for our family. I am so so thankful that Josh and I listened to the promptings of the spirit to become foster parents. That we accepted this call to serve Him and love and serve His children. All of it is because of Him. All of it! I am so grateful for Him and His wonderful plan for our lives. He is so good!

I hope you will stay tuned and continue to follow us on our Foster Care journey!

What is God doing in your life? I would love to hear about it! Comment below.

 

(me) skirt: thrifted // top: thrifted // jacket: Ross // necklace: F21 // watch: Target 
(e) top and dress: thrifted // shoes: gift

What We Wore Wednesday

September 3rd. Today is my Dad's birthday. It's been 47 days (to be exact) since my Dad left this earth to go live with Heavenly Father. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and miss him dearly. I know in my heart that he is always nearby. As today was approaching, I wondered how difficult it would be celebrating my Dad's birthday without him here. But this morning as I got out of bed and looked at the picture of my Dad on my nightstand...I felt love, peace, comfort, and joy. The only type of love, peace, comfort and joy that He can offer. True, pure and indescribable. I am so grateful for Him. I don't know what I would do without Him and I don't ever want to have to think about that.

Last night, Josh, E and I were laying in our bed cuddling and reading books together. All of the sudden, sadness came over E's face as she bowed her head and had this pouty look.

Me: "What's wrong honey?"

E: "I miss my Grandpa...I want him."

(I pushed her little body closer to mine and hugged her tightly)

Me: "I know honey. Grandpa is in Heaven. You will see him again. I promise you that. You know you can always talk to Grandpa and tell him how much you love him and miss him right?"

Within seconds, E stood up on our bed, tilted her head back looking to the ceiling and said "Grandpa? Grandpa? Can you hear me? Are you listening? I miss you Grandpa. I love you so much Grandpa. I will see you soon! Thank you Jesus. I love you.

My heart melted at that very moment and a tears fell down my face. 

 

 

(me) dress: down east  // belt: gift // shoes thrifted // earrings: thrifted // bracelet: TJ Maxx // watch: Target
(e) top: thrifted // leggings: thrifted // shoes: gift

WHAT WE WORE WEDNESDAY AND A FOSTER CARE UPDATE.

Last week we received a letter in the mail for clothing allowance for E. It didn't have any instructions on how to obtain the clothing allowance, but had the number to our Case Manager in case we had any questions about it. I decided to call her and I am so happy that I did. We spent close to 45 minutes on the phone talking about our case. The update that she gave me was very positive. Whenever a new case is opened in the foster care system, they first establish a "case plan" or a "case time frame". It usually depends on the type of case and the age of the child. For E, we were told that her case plan was for 9 months and we have had her since April. There is a court hearing scheduled for the end of October. Since her Mom is completely out of the picture at this point, our Case Manager informed me that our case might move faster than we might expect and there is a huge possibility that the Mom's rights will be severed in the next few months and E will come up for adoption. She told me that her Mom would need to make some pretty drastic changes right now to have any chance at being able to get E and her other children back. First question she asked me was if we would be willing to adopt E. I told her if it came to that point, we would definitely want to. Then her second question came as a big surprise to me. She told me that the Grandpa who is taking care of E's brother (who is 3 years old) is not interested at all in adopting him. She then asked me, "Would you be willing to adopt both E and her younger brother?" I was speechless for a moment, but thinking about it and the possibility of that happening made me so giddy. I told her that Josh and I would need to think and pray about first, but we would definitely consider it. 
Our foster care journey has challenged our faith more times than I can count and my faith has grown in leaps and bounds because of it. Every time I become fearful or get anxiety of the unknown and what might be ahead, I lean back on the fact of who brought us here to where we are right now. Looking back, "my plan" was to already be staying at home with one of our own babies (maybe 2)...but Heavenly Father had a completely different plan for our family than what I would have ever imagined. It's been such a wonderful journey and I am so grateful that we were able and that we were willing to become foster parents. Last night as E wrapped her arms around me to cuddle in her bed, tears of joy and immense gratitude fell down my face as I held her tight. Heavenly Father truly is good and I know He is in the midst of all of this. There is something so beautiful and so wonderful about trusting in Him and trusting His plan and not our own. I have surrendered my will and my plans for His will and His plans for my life, for E and for our family. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for reading! Hope you have a fantastic day!!

     (me) shirt: Kohls // cropped jeans: Kohls // shoes: Zulily // purse(F21): Goodwill //  bracelet: Goodwill // earrings: Forever 21 // Sunglasses: Tillys
(e) dress: Costco // shoes: Payless // purse: gift from Mom // Sunglasses: gift from my friend Lindsay  

YOU SURROUND ME.

You're in the sun and in the rain and in the waves upon the sea. You're in the wind and in the sand and in the grass beneath my feet. You're in the rocks and in the leaves and every branch on every tree. You are the joy, you are the pain, you are the hope that carries me. You surround me Lord!

MISSING HAND TOWEL AND BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE.

Last week, Josh, E and I were outside planting flowers in our two front flower beds. After we were done, we came inside to get a cold drink and have a Popsicle together. The first thing I did was wash my hands. I couldn't find my gardening gloves, so my hands were covered in dirt. As I reached for the hand towel, it was gone. I went into our linen closet to find another one to dry my hands with. As I was walking out of our bathroom, I could hear music down the hallway coming from E's bedroom. As I approached the bedroom, the door was slightly shut. I peered my eyes through the opening of the doorway to find E rocking her stuffed frog (wrapped in the hand towel..hahaha) back and forth singing I Am a Child of God. I stood there in the doorway for a couple of minutes just listening to her sweet voice and praising God for His goodness and faithfulness for placing this child in our home. As I walked in, E looked up at me and said "Mama..shhhhhh (with her little finger to her lips) I am rocking my froggy to sleep. He's so tired, He's had a very rough day." Every night at bedtime, I sit in this same chair rocking her to sleep and sing children's hymns to her. "Mama..can you sing to me please?!?" 

It's so true when I hear people say that children are like little sponges. Without us even realizing it, they soak up every little thing we say and do. If we pay attention to what our children say to us, though, we realize just how much they pay attention to us. They look to us to set the example, to be their guidance, and to teach them right from wrong. They want us to establish boundaries for them, and they learn from us how to behave, and how to treat others. As we all go about our busy lives it is important to ask ourselves what kind of example we are setting for our children. What we do and say shapes the people they will become, so we need to stop for a moment and take into account what kind of future adults we are creating. I am so grateful that I am able to be an example to her. I hope that when she leaves next week, that she will always remember the many things we taught her, the example we set before her and the unconditional love that we showed her. I hope that she will always remember us and remember all the love she felt as she was with us in our home. I know that we will never forget her and she will always have a HUGE place deep inside our hearts.

Listen to E singing part of I Am a Child of God. I love her sweet voice! Click HERE to listen.

GOODNIGHT KISSES.

It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I feel just that way about this one. Josh snapped this picture last night of E (can't disclose her name) giving me kisses just before putting her to bed. I tear up every time I look at it..which has been a lot. It makes me feel happy, grateful and very blessed by a loving Heavenly Father to be able to care for His children.
Since fostering, God has placed so many other foster Mom's directly in my path. I have become close with a lot them and I am grateful for each one. We are able to talk, relate to one another, cry with each other, and lift each other up as we are all on this journey together trying to make a difference in this world one child at a time. I posted this picture on my Instagram last night and got a flood of comments, texts and emails.
This morning I woke up to a comment on yesterday's post from a women named Elizabeth. Her comment completely brought me to tears on my drive from work. I don't know her, but I feel like I do. It doesn't show her picture, but she is someone that I would definitely want to get to know. Elizabeth, if you are reading this post right now, I would love to connect with you and get to know you better. You seem like such an amazing woman, with such a huge warm and gentle heart. Your comment has really touched my soul and has made my day today. Thank you so so much Elizabeth!

For all the rest of you who are praying for us and thinking of our family, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means more to us than you know, so thank you! I will continue to keep you updated............
Have a great day!!

FEEDING THE DUCKS.

Right down the street from our house there is this little lake with a water fountain in the center of it. It's so pretty and peaceful. It's the perfect spot to have a picnic. Before she was placed in our home, every time we drove by I used to tell Josh "When we get our first placement, I want to come down here and feed the ducks!" So on Saturday afternoon that is just what we did. She had such a blast. She was smiling and giggling the entire time and shouting "Mama this is very much fun!" (that is toddler talk for you). As we were getting ready to leave, we started walking to the car. She turned around and said "Mama..the ducks are running after us! Run! Run!" There was this one white duck that was super fast, so fast that at one point I thought I would have to pick her up and run. I immediately grabbed her hand and we ran together saying "Run! Run" while we laughed and ran away from the white duck. When we got back to the car she leaned over and put her hands on her knees trying to catch her breathe and said "Phew! That was a close one Mama....but those ducks can't catch us!" while shaking her finger. I just love her to pieces! She brings so much happiness into our home and I am so grateful that we get to care for her at this time in her life. I hope and pray that she won't ever leave, but in the end I have to trust God and His plan, not mine.    

 

 

 

THE THINGS SHE SAYS.

Her: "Mama, I want to fly!" Me: "You need wings to fly baby girl" Her: "Okay..well lets go buy some at the store so we can!!"
Her: "Mama, did you eat your food all gone?" Me: "Yup. It's in my tummy right now" Her: "Can I see??"
To her cousins at Sunday dinner: "Come on kids, come on kids!"
Every night............ Her: "Mama, is it shower-time?" Me: "Yup it's shower-time" Her: "And then cuddles and you sing?" Me: "Yes honey, Mama will cuddle and sing to you"
Me: "Okay lets pray for the food" Her: "I want to pray!" Me: "Okay go ahead" (we all sit and wait and then she looks at me) Her: "Noooo...YOU talk!"
When Josh or I say something like you're so silly or you're too funny.. "Nope! I am (she says her name) and I'm 4!" (while holding 4 fingers up)

WHAT A FOSTER-TO-ADOPTION PROCESS IS REALLY LIKE

But While You Fly, You Still Wait 

Written by Kelley Porter for Portrait of an Adoption

It was the Friday of Labor Day weekend when we got the call, our first foster care placement. Would we be willing to take a baby girl, 5-weeks-old? How does anyone say no to that?

Already the parents of two wonderful boys, my husband and I considered the idea of adoption, but he was much more hesitant than I was. There was something calling to me, almost like a vision. I could see us as a family of five, with a little girl in the mix. It took some heavy debating and arm-twisting (and a little nudge from his cousin the social worker) to finally convince my husband that this was the right step for us.

When considering adoption, foster-to-adopt was the only consideration I had in mind. We live in a small town; an adoption agency did not seem readily available. Of course, being related to a social worker also convinced us that foster-to-adopt would work for us. A new year came, we took the leap. By February we were ensconced in training. Through this training we saw the worst of worst case scenarios, but still we went on. Sane people would have been scared away, but for some reason we kept up. Finally, certified as foster parents! Then … the wait.

The wait … When considering foster-to-adopt, the wait is part of the process. The wait to get through classes, the wait for “the call.” Then the placement call comes, and you jump in with both feet. Figuring out daycare, appointments here, appointments there. "WIC," what is that? Snuggles and bedtime stories. Hugs and wiping away tears. Hurry up and clean, the social worker is stopping by today! It is everyday life flying by you, so busy ... but while you fly, you still wait. You parent, and you love, and you wait for the foster system. While you love, more and more each day, you set to the side the reminders that you have absolutely and positively no control over the future of the little person in your care. You pray for forever, but social workers have a different job. In your mind you say there are no guarantees here, and you foolishly believe you have control over your heart, but you don’t. A day, a week, a month, and that’s it, you are hopelessly and forever in love. But still, you wait, until the powers that be establish whether you are a forever family or not.

I do not think there is any amount of training that can truly prepare a person to understand the opposing elements of fostering-to-adopt, and the State’s number one goal, which is reunification of families. Sure they warn you, sure your head “understands.” Logically you can spout off to any person who will listen that it is important to keep families together. Realistically, though, to the heart, it is a different matter. Your heart tells you there is no way in the world you will let this child live in this world in less than ideal circumstances. And it is the noblest of the noble who can cheer on birth families and wish them all the best to reunify. These people are saints among us, and they make our world a better place. They must operate in a manner of faith that I know I did not have while I was waiting. I will be the first to admit I was more than relieved when our birth mom left the state. It just confirmed in my heart that my baby girl was meant to be mine, forever.

About two weeks short of two years later, we finally had our adoption hearing. In a courtroom full of our family members, we promised to love and care and raise our little girl, no matter what challenges lie ahead. What a beautiful day it was. Our day of meant to be. And what a little treasure my daughter is. Joyful, sweet, sassy, and strong! All in an itty bity little package. She is the link that completes our family.

I must admit, though, that I know so much more now than I did then. Today I learned of a fellow foster mom who won’t be transitioning to forever family, and her heart is thoroughly and indescribably broken. I believe she knew through this process that forever might not come, but, just like me, she pushed the doubt aside. How can you not? One squeeze and a kiss good night, and you cannot fathom that this is not your forever.

To jump into the world of foster-to-adopt, a person must be absolutely fearless, and find within them a certain measure of faithfulness. Faith that this situation will turn out the way it is supposed to, and that I will have the strength to live with the result, no matter what it might be. This is the advice I would give if someone asked me now. You must be fearless enough to live in the moment, and love with all you’ve got -- these children deserve this because no child comes into foster care without some sort of painful history. Fearless, but faithful, faithful in a way that means you might not end up where you wanted to be. For us, I really believe we thought we knew what we were getting into, but now I understand we were definitely naïve, so naïve, and so lucky.

In our country, as a whole, there is such a need for loving and caring foster families. There is also a need to be realistic about the foster-to-adopt process, and a need for much education about why reunification is important, if it is possible. Finally, we must fight the notion that foster children are broken; because they are not. These children are resilient and brave and have so much to offer us all. No baby is born into this world with a guarantee of perfection, and the same is true of children who are in foster care. Yes, these kids might have needs that a foster parent did not expect, and to be a foster parent or foster-to-adopt parent, you must be willing to seek help if it is necessary. But this is so true for any parent, no matter how your family comes together. I am so very thankful that we took this journey, that we, without really understanding or knowing at the time, were fearless, faithful, and truly lucky.

LIFE LATELY IN PHOTOS