MISSING HAND TOWEL AND BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE.

Last week, Josh, E and I were outside planting flowers in our two front flower beds. After we were done, we came inside to get a cold drink and have a Popsicle together. The first thing I did was wash my hands. I couldn't find my gardening gloves, so my hands were covered in dirt. As I reached for the hand towel, it was gone. I went into our linen closet to find another one to dry my hands with. As I was walking out of our bathroom, I could hear music down the hallway coming from E's bedroom. As I approached the bedroom, the door was slightly shut. I peered my eyes through the opening of the doorway to find E rocking her stuffed frog (wrapped in the hand towel..hahaha) back and forth singing I Am a Child of God. I stood there in the doorway for a couple of minutes just listening to her sweet voice and praising God for His goodness and faithfulness for placing this child in our home. As I walked in, E looked up at me and said "Mama..shhhhhh (with her little finger to her lips) I am rocking my froggy to sleep. He's so tired, He's had a very rough day." Every night at bedtime, I sit in this same chair rocking her to sleep and sing children's hymns to her. "Mama..can you sing to me please?!?" 

It's so true when I hear people say that children are like little sponges. Without us even realizing it, they soak up every little thing we say and do. If we pay attention to what our children say to us, though, we realize just how much they pay attention to us. They look to us to set the example, to be their guidance, and to teach them right from wrong. They want us to establish boundaries for them, and they learn from us how to behave, and how to treat others. As we all go about our busy lives it is important to ask ourselves what kind of example we are setting for our children. What we do and say shapes the people they will become, so we need to stop for a moment and take into account what kind of future adults we are creating. I am so grateful that I am able to be an example to her. I hope that when she leaves next week, that she will always remember the many things we taught her, the example we set before her and the unconditional love that we showed her. I hope that she will always remember us and remember all the love she felt as she was with us in our home. I know that we will never forget her and she will always have a HUGE place deep inside our hearts.

Listen to E singing part of I Am a Child of God. I love her sweet voice! Click HERE to listen.

COMMON MYTHS ABOUT FOSTER CARE.

Myth: Most children in foster care have had dozens of placements. Reality: The average number of placements for a foster child is around three.
Myth: I have no control over which children I'm asked to foster. Reality: You can't choose the specific child that you would like to foster, but you can narrow it down to what you would be interested in. Age, gender, and ethnicity. 
Myth: I cant be a foster parent if I have a full-time job outside of the home.  Reality: You don't need to be a stay at home Mother to foster! If the child requires daycare, that is paid for
Myth: As a foster parents, I will receive little to no support from the State.  Reality: You receive a reimbursement for food, clothing, medical, dental, counseling services and daycare.
Myth: I am not allowed to adopt any of the children that I foster.  Reality: While slightly more than half of the children who enter foster care return to their birth families, there are still thousands of children who cannot return home. Of the 51,000 children in foster care last year, 54 percent were adopted by their foster parents. 
Myth: It's really hard to become a foster parent. Reality: It's not as hard as you think. Yes there is training and a TON of paperwork but its SO worth it in the end!
Myth: You have to be married to be a foster parent.  Reality: Everyone is welcome. People who cohabit, divorced or single may become foster parents.
Myth: Biological parents are "bad" people who should never be allowed to get their child or children back. Reality: Biological parents love their children but they are having difficulties maintaining their safety and well-being. DCF ensures the safety of children, while helping parents access the resources and services they need to help overcome their current circumstances. The department works with biological parents, caregivers and community providers to assist with reunification when appropriate. However, when reunification is not at all possible, the department looks to place a child into an adoptive home.
Myth: Adopting a child through foster care is expensive. Reality: Adopting a child through foster care is virtually free. Many agencies do not charge for the services they provide to families who are adopting a child from foster care. 
Myth: Children in foster care have too much "baggage." Reality: This is one of the biggest myths of all. Children in foster care, just like all children, have ENORMOUS potential to thrive given love, patience and a stable environment. 
Myth: I can’t be a foster parent because I would get too attached. It would be too hard to see them leave. (This is the most asked question I get) Reality: It’s true — you WILL get attached, and it will be painful when children you love leave. But these children have suffered through things no child should ever face, and they need the love and care foster parents provide when they open their hearts and homes. When God calls you to do His work, He’s going to make sure you’re equipped to do it.

Are you a foster parent? Would you ever consider becoming a foster parent? 
Have questions? Comment below, I would love to hear from you!!

WHAT A FOSTER-TO-ADOPTION PROCESS IS REALLY LIKE

But While You Fly, You Still Wait 

Written by Kelley Porter for Portrait of an Adoption

It was the Friday of Labor Day weekend when we got the call, our first foster care placement. Would we be willing to take a baby girl, 5-weeks-old? How does anyone say no to that?

Already the parents of two wonderful boys, my husband and I considered the idea of adoption, but he was much more hesitant than I was. There was something calling to me, almost like a vision. I could see us as a family of five, with a little girl in the mix. It took some heavy debating and arm-twisting (and a little nudge from his cousin the social worker) to finally convince my husband that this was the right step for us.

When considering adoption, foster-to-adopt was the only consideration I had in mind. We live in a small town; an adoption agency did not seem readily available. Of course, being related to a social worker also convinced us that foster-to-adopt would work for us. A new year came, we took the leap. By February we were ensconced in training. Through this training we saw the worst of worst case scenarios, but still we went on. Sane people would have been scared away, but for some reason we kept up. Finally, certified as foster parents! Then … the wait.

The wait … When considering foster-to-adopt, the wait is part of the process. The wait to get through classes, the wait for “the call.” Then the placement call comes, and you jump in with both feet. Figuring out daycare, appointments here, appointments there. "WIC," what is that? Snuggles and bedtime stories. Hugs and wiping away tears. Hurry up and clean, the social worker is stopping by today! It is everyday life flying by you, so busy ... but while you fly, you still wait. You parent, and you love, and you wait for the foster system. While you love, more and more each day, you set to the side the reminders that you have absolutely and positively no control over the future of the little person in your care. You pray for forever, but social workers have a different job. In your mind you say there are no guarantees here, and you foolishly believe you have control over your heart, but you don’t. A day, a week, a month, and that’s it, you are hopelessly and forever in love. But still, you wait, until the powers that be establish whether you are a forever family or not.

I do not think there is any amount of training that can truly prepare a person to understand the opposing elements of fostering-to-adopt, and the State’s number one goal, which is reunification of families. Sure they warn you, sure your head “understands.” Logically you can spout off to any person who will listen that it is important to keep families together. Realistically, though, to the heart, it is a different matter. Your heart tells you there is no way in the world you will let this child live in this world in less than ideal circumstances. And it is the noblest of the noble who can cheer on birth families and wish them all the best to reunify. These people are saints among us, and they make our world a better place. They must operate in a manner of faith that I know I did not have while I was waiting. I will be the first to admit I was more than relieved when our birth mom left the state. It just confirmed in my heart that my baby girl was meant to be mine, forever.

About two weeks short of two years later, we finally had our adoption hearing. In a courtroom full of our family members, we promised to love and care and raise our little girl, no matter what challenges lie ahead. What a beautiful day it was. Our day of meant to be. And what a little treasure my daughter is. Joyful, sweet, sassy, and strong! All in an itty bity little package. She is the link that completes our family.

I must admit, though, that I know so much more now than I did then. Today I learned of a fellow foster mom who won’t be transitioning to forever family, and her heart is thoroughly and indescribably broken. I believe she knew through this process that forever might not come, but, just like me, she pushed the doubt aside. How can you not? One squeeze and a kiss good night, and you cannot fathom that this is not your forever.

To jump into the world of foster-to-adopt, a person must be absolutely fearless, and find within them a certain measure of faithfulness. Faith that this situation will turn out the way it is supposed to, and that I will have the strength to live with the result, no matter what it might be. This is the advice I would give if someone asked me now. You must be fearless enough to live in the moment, and love with all you’ve got -- these children deserve this because no child comes into foster care without some sort of painful history. Fearless, but faithful, faithful in a way that means you might not end up where you wanted to be. For us, I really believe we thought we knew what we were getting into, but now I understand we were definitely naïve, so naïve, and so lucky.

In our country, as a whole, there is such a need for loving and caring foster families. There is also a need to be realistic about the foster-to-adopt process, and a need for much education about why reunification is important, if it is possible. Finally, we must fight the notion that foster children are broken; because they are not. These children are resilient and brave and have so much to offer us all. No baby is born into this world with a guarantee of perfection, and the same is true of children who are in foster care. Yes, these kids might have needs that a foster parent did not expect, and to be a foster parent or foster-to-adopt parent, you must be willing to seek help if it is necessary. But this is so true for any parent, no matter how your family comes together. I am so very thankful that we took this journey, that we, without really understanding or knowing at the time, were fearless, faithful, and truly lucky.

FOSTER CARE: WAITING TO GET APPROVED

If you read this post last Friday. We got brand new windows installed in the child's bedroom and they were approved by our licensing agent that night. Yesterday morning, our agent submitted our information to the state to get our license approved. This is where more of the waiting process comes into play. Our agent informed us that it has been taking families about 2-3 weeks to get approved by the state, but as far as I'm concerned, this is all in God's hands...He will make it happen when He thinks its time! Even though I am not experiencing pregnancy, to me its still somewhat similar to the "expecting" period when pregnant. Throughout pregnancy, especially towards the end, pregnant Mamas are expecting to have their little bundle of joy enter in this world. Expecting to see what he/she will look like. Expecting to see what he/she will be like. I am expecting those things too and I simply cannot contain my excitement. I am so ready for this new journey to begin! I thank for calling us and trusting us with such a task.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -Psalm 27:14

House Inspection

On Tuesday we had our home inspection to become foster parents. They explained in our training not to stress out about it, because no one passes. There is always some little thing that needs to be fixed or changed. Josh and I spent days, even weeks before getting our home in tip top shape to the exact way that we wanted it to be for the inspection. When the inspector arrived, the first thing she said when she walked in our home was "Wow...you have a lovely home here. Your home feels so peaceful. This will be the perfect place for children..they will be very blessed" I almost shed a tear or two. That make me  feel so good that she felt that way about our home. The inspection took about 45 minutes. We only  have just some minor fixes like put a lock on the shed in the backyard and we need an actual lock  in the bathroom instead of just a "safeguard" lock. If everything goes as planned, we are looking to get our first placement probably by the end of March early April (God willing) Our worlds are going  to be completely turned upside down. We are going to become parents within what seems like just  overnight. It's taken so much time to get to where we are right now. We are so ready for this to happen!

Please keep us in your prayers!

Just 3 More

Just 3 more classes until we are finished with foster care training! We still have to take a 2 hour CPR and car seat class, personal interviews, and house inspection...then we will be licensed and certified foster parents! I am very excited, hopeful, and a little nervous to be honest to take on this HUGE challenge and responsibility. I know that sometimes..maybe alot of times, God  gives us more than we can handle. The purpose of our pain, struggles, sorrows, challenges, weaknesses and trials is to make us rely and turn more to Him for help and so that His great power is made evident in our weaknesses-when we can't handle more. When we are able to continue and survive with peace in the midst of tribulation, others wont see us, they will see Him. I am so very grateful for this wonderful opportunity and all of the knowledge that we have received that is going to help us so much....and not only will it be helpful for these foster children, but also helpful for us when we have our own kiddos too. Like I said before in my first foster training post, I really think that they should offer these free classes to any parents or "to be" parent(s) who would be interested. Well here's to foster parenting and a 3 day weekend!! 

Foster Training: Class #3

Two words to describe how I am feeling this morning. Emotionally drained. After last night's class, I 

went home and cried like a big giant baby. I cried out to God for these kids (all 14,000 of them)

I prayed that a huge majority of them will find good homes. Good homes where people will love, 

nurture and care for them with everything they have got. Good homes where people will teach them,

guide them, protect them, comfort them, and never give up on them. Ever. Good homes where they 

can feel secure, wanted and accepted. I am determined to make sure that our home will offer all of 

those things and so much more for these kids. I am determined to make a difference and impact 

in each of the kids that are placed in our home...little do they know that they will be making an 

impact and difference in our lives too. I feel as if the foster system is this giant bubble. As we peer

 in from the outside upon these kids, we have no clue what is really going on inside the foster system

and most importantly on the inside of these children. They are broken, lost, detached, angry, sad,

depressed, insecure, negative, confused, torn, and feel like there is no place that they can call "home"

I have always felt very grateful for this life that I have been given. After just 3 classes, there are literally

no words to describe how incredibly and immensely grateful I am for my life and the wonderful childhood that I had with parents who gave me comfort, support, guidance, protection, security, hope, and love.....loads and loads of unconditional love. These kids have experienced none of these things. 

In our class last night, we were learning about situational things we all at some point will face in our lives. (death, divorce, infertility, etc...just to name a few) These are all things that some or most of us face. Right?? Well last night I was reflecting on my entire life and was trying to think of the worst thing I have had to face or go through. The very worst. My parents divorced when I was a junior in High School. I was in shock and denial at first, then I went through stages of anger, sadness and depression. I was devastated. How? Why? I didn't see any of it coming. Last night I was trying to take myself back to that time and really trying to remember exactly how I felt. I then imagined all these kids and thought about what they have been through and what the worst situation has been for them. What I have been through doesn't even remotely come close to what these kids have been through and what they are going through mentally, physically and most importantly emotionally. Even if I could remember and take every single bad thing that has happened in my life and compare it alongside theirs....it doesn't compare. Not even close. I would like to share a few stories of some children who are in the foster system currently. Just to warn you.. a lot of it may be hard to read and take in but this is the reality of all of it. This is the reality of what these children have gone through and what they are going through. These are their stories and this is their life in a nutshell. Very heartbreaking, but true.

..................................................................................................................................................

Karen is 16 and has been in foster care several times during her life due to neglect and medical neglect. Her mother has recurrent problems with alcohol. Karen has been in this foster home for three months; this is the second time she has lived there. Karen has Fetal Alcohol Effect. She also has a heart murmur. Karen is about three years behind her grade level in school and has been diagnosed with dyslexia, a reading disorder. Karen has tow friends from her foster parents church, who are two years younger than she is. Karen has a big smile when she is happy ans she loves to dress up. Most of the time Karen is very quiet and wants to stay in her room by herself. She looks forward to Sundays when her mother is invited to dinner with the foster family.

Beau is 8 and has been diagnosed with Hepatitis C. He entered foster care 17 months ago because of neglect. Beau's mother has chronic Hepatitis C and is too ill for a liver transplant operation. She is currently in hospice care. She is not expected to live long. Beau is angry that is mother is ill. Beau is on daily medication. He is in the third grade and goes to public school but misses often due to his medical condition. Beau is placed with his grandmother, who has a poor relationship with Beau's mother. Beau has three close friends and has dreams of flying an airplane some day. He likes animals and wants to have a cat, but caring for cats can be dangerous for people with poor immune systems, so he cannot have one. Beau cries before going to his medical appointments. Sometimes Beau yells at his best friends and says he doesn't want to be friends anymore. 

Jason is 15 and Hope is 9. Their father, who physically abused Jason, is now in prison for drug related charges. Jason and Hope have been in foster care for seven months now. They have not seen their mother since shortly after Hope was born. Jason and Hope are very close because Jason has been responsible for taking care of Hope. Hope is in the 4th grade and is doing well. She loves to read. She is a tomboy and is more comfortable playing soccer or baseball with the boys on the playground, but she does not have any close friends. She gets upset easily and gets into fist fights with kids on the playground. She is resistant toward her foster mother and still looks to Jason for nurturing and guidance. Jason recently disclosed to his foster mother that he is gay. He says that he has known that he is gay for as long as he can remember. He says he is not sexually active and that no one else knows he is gay. Jason gets along well with his classmates, but he has no close friends. Jason does well in school and is affectionate in the family. He becomes very sad at times, but is able to talk about his feelings, especially about his father and mother. 

****Tonight we have our family evaluation interview with our licensing specialist. Wish us luck****

-KIMBERLY-

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring 

for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. 

James 1:27

FOSTER CARE TRAINING CLASS #2

Last night we attended our second class to become licensed foster parents. During class, we watched a 20 minute video featuring a few of the foster children that are in the system.They expressed their feelings, what they have been through and what they are looking for in foster parents. My heart aches. I feel like all I want to do is buy a house with 50+ bedrooms just so I can fill the rooms with all these amazing kids.

Fact: there are 14,608 children in care as of June 30th, including 95 babies and small children living in group home and crisis shelters. In March 2010, there were 10,207 foster children in Arizona. That's 40% in 3 years. You can read more about the foster care crisis HERE

After class last night and this morning I am flooded with so many different emotions. I am overwhelmed, sad, upset, excited, curious, anxious, determined, and confused. I am overwhelmed with all the information that we have been learning. All of the information is so in depth and very helpful, but there is so much. I feel a lot of sadness. Sadness for the parents who have mistreated their children and have had them physically removed from them and sadness and heartache towards these children. These children who have been abused sexually, physically, and emotionally day after day after day. These children who are broken, confused, angry, and feel like there is no hope for them. I am upset. Upset that these parents would even think for one second of hurting or mistreating their own child or children. I am completely and utterly baffled by it. It makes my stomach turn. I am excited. Excited that this great opportunity was presented to us. Excited for all of the helpful information, tips and tricks that we are learning. Excited for all of these wonderful children that will come into our home. Excited to love, nurture and care for these little ones. Excited to make a difference in their lives and show them that there are people good people out there that do love and care, that they are more than enough and that they have a divine purpose and they can shine. I am curious. Curious how many children will come through our home. Curious what age we will get (we requested ages 2-6). Curious what they will look like. Curious how they will act and adapt in our home and towards us. I am anxious. Anxious for us to be done with our classes. Anxious about waiting for that first call when they say they have a child for us. Anxious to offer everything and more that Josh and I can to these children. I am determined. Determined to make a difference in these children's lives. Determined to show them that even though their parents have mistreated them, that there are still so many other amazing people in this world. Determined to offer everything we can for them. Determined to not ever ever give up. We won't give up. We are in this for the long run and want to do this now and want to continue this work even after we have our own children. I am confused. Confused as to how someone could every mistreat a child. Confused as to why they would have children if they can't take care of them and mistreat them and then continue to have more children. It doesn't make any sense to me. 

I know that all of these feelings are normal and most parents who are looking to become foster parents probably go through the exact same thing. We are so excited for this wonderful opportunity that God has given us and we are so excited to see and experience all of it. Yes..there will be many ups & downs, but we will get through all of them together. We are going to remove any of our fear with faith and trust in the power of God to guide us every single step of the way.

I hope that you will stick around as we continue our journey to becoming foster parents!

-KIMBERLY-

OUR FIRST FOSTER TRAINING CLASS

It literally just seems like yesterday that I was counting down the days until our first class of foster
 training. Well its here! Last night was our very first class. Yahoo! The state of Arizona requires all foster parents to go through 30 hours of training before becoming licensed to foster or adopt. This usually happens over the course of 10 weeks but we are cramming it into 5 1/2 weeks! I have heard

from many people and I agree (just after 1 class) that every parent or soon to become parents should take these classes. All of the curriculum is very in depth and can apply to any normal child or parent.

Our classes will run for 3 hours (6-9pm) every Tuesday and Thursday from now through September 10th. The trainer last night informed us that 5 1/2 weeks seems like it might take awhile to get through, but before we know it we will be coming to our very last class. Our class has 35 people total right now but apparently by the end of our 5 1/2 weeks, a couple of people will be missing. Some might decide that fostering is just not for them, some might miss more than two classes and then have to start all over again, and some might take one or two classes and then just give up. They told us it happens with every single class they have. 

When we first arrived, we were greeted by our trainer and a few of the staff members that work at Crisis Nursery. In front of where we sat, our learning stations had play-doh, coloring books, markers, and all different shapes to mold the play-doh. When we started, we were told that we were encouraged to play with the items in front of us. They call it "fidget to focus". It has been proven that when children and even adults are fidgeting with something and listening or doing a primary task, they are more easily focused and can gain more knowledge and information about what they are learning or listening too. As you can see from the picture above, my Husband was all for the "fidget to focus" concept. I think I need to buy my man some fondant! He's kind of an overachiever.

Well....one class down. 10 more to go. It's seems so strange that all of this is happening, but we are loving every single minute of it and are excited for whats to come and just how much we will learn. 

-KIMBERLY-

FOSTER CARE ORIENTATION

Last night we attended the Foster Care Program orientation at Crisis Nursery

The very step required by the state is to attend an orientation for approximately 1 hour.

The orientation covered the general requirements by law as set up by Arizona, the overall 

placement process, the expectations of Foster Parents, and the process of getting licensed.

Once we decide or if we decide to move forward with this, the next step is to register for

a training class. The training is 33 hours. Crisis Nursery offers an accelerated version of

the training over the course of 5 1/2 weeks. The classes will be twice a week on Tuesdays

and Thursdays from 6-9pm. The next training class they have open begins in August 6th.

Throughout the  training, paperwork is submitted (which I heard there is piles and piles of

paperwork to complete), home visits and home inspections are completed for safety concerns.

She told us that if we are diligent about completing our paperwork, the process can move 

very quickly and generally takes people about 3-6 months to become licensed Foster Parents from start to finish.

All of this is so overwhelming but in such a good way!! My heart is so full and radiating with joy!

I feel so grateful that we will be guided every step of the way by our loving Heavenly Father. 

We are going to continue to trust and have faith in Him that He will fit all the pieces together

in order to make this happen. We see His hands in our lives tremendously right now, and we are so excited to see what He has in store. Yes..we know its going to be hard at times and we will face trials, struggles, and challenges that we may need to overcome...but with Him we can get through anything!

Every day I get a different spiritual quote emailed to me. I opened up my email today and read this....

"As you love His children, Heavenly Father will guide you, and angels will assist you. You will be given power to bless lives and rescue souls."

—David L. Beck