SHE'S A DANCING QUEEN!

I absolutely love watching her dance! This little girl has got some moves! 
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WHAT A FOSTER-TO-ADOPTION PROCESS IS REALLY LIKE

But While You Fly, You Still Wait 

Written by Kelley Porter for Portrait of an Adoption

It was the Friday of Labor Day weekend when we got the call, our first foster care placement. Would we be willing to take a baby girl, 5-weeks-old? How does anyone say no to that?

Already the parents of two wonderful boys, my husband and I considered the idea of adoption, but he was much more hesitant than I was. There was something calling to me, almost like a vision. I could see us as a family of five, with a little girl in the mix. It took some heavy debating and arm-twisting (and a little nudge from his cousin the social worker) to finally convince my husband that this was the right step for us.

When considering adoption, foster-to-adopt was the only consideration I had in mind. We live in a small town; an adoption agency did not seem readily available. Of course, being related to a social worker also convinced us that foster-to-adopt would work for us. A new year came, we took the leap. By February we were ensconced in training. Through this training we saw the worst of worst case scenarios, but still we went on. Sane people would have been scared away, but for some reason we kept up. Finally, certified as foster parents! Then … the wait.

The wait … When considering foster-to-adopt, the wait is part of the process. The wait to get through classes, the wait for “the call.” Then the placement call comes, and you jump in with both feet. Figuring out daycare, appointments here, appointments there. "WIC," what is that? Snuggles and bedtime stories. Hugs and wiping away tears. Hurry up and clean, the social worker is stopping by today! It is everyday life flying by you, so busy ... but while you fly, you still wait. You parent, and you love, and you wait for the foster system. While you love, more and more each day, you set to the side the reminders that you have absolutely and positively no control over the future of the little person in your care. You pray for forever, but social workers have a different job. In your mind you say there are no guarantees here, and you foolishly believe you have control over your heart, but you don’t. A day, a week, a month, and that’s it, you are hopelessly and forever in love. But still, you wait, until the powers that be establish whether you are a forever family or not.

I do not think there is any amount of training that can truly prepare a person to understand the opposing elements of fostering-to-adopt, and the State’s number one goal, which is reunification of families. Sure they warn you, sure your head “understands.” Logically you can spout off to any person who will listen that it is important to keep families together. Realistically, though, to the heart, it is a different matter. Your heart tells you there is no way in the world you will let this child live in this world in less than ideal circumstances. And it is the noblest of the noble who can cheer on birth families and wish them all the best to reunify. These people are saints among us, and they make our world a better place. They must operate in a manner of faith that I know I did not have while I was waiting. I will be the first to admit I was more than relieved when our birth mom left the state. It just confirmed in my heart that my baby girl was meant to be mine, forever.

About two weeks short of two years later, we finally had our adoption hearing. In a courtroom full of our family members, we promised to love and care and raise our little girl, no matter what challenges lie ahead. What a beautiful day it was. Our day of meant to be. And what a little treasure my daughter is. Joyful, sweet, sassy, and strong! All in an itty bity little package. She is the link that completes our family.

I must admit, though, that I know so much more now than I did then. Today I learned of a fellow foster mom who won’t be transitioning to forever family, and her heart is thoroughly and indescribably broken. I believe she knew through this process that forever might not come, but, just like me, she pushed the doubt aside. How can you not? One squeeze and a kiss good night, and you cannot fathom that this is not your forever.

To jump into the world of foster-to-adopt, a person must be absolutely fearless, and find within them a certain measure of faithfulness. Faith that this situation will turn out the way it is supposed to, and that I will have the strength to live with the result, no matter what it might be. This is the advice I would give if someone asked me now. You must be fearless enough to live in the moment, and love with all you’ve got -- these children deserve this because no child comes into foster care without some sort of painful history. Fearless, but faithful, faithful in a way that means you might not end up where you wanted to be. For us, I really believe we thought we knew what we were getting into, but now I understand we were definitely naïve, so naïve, and so lucky.

In our country, as a whole, there is such a need for loving and caring foster families. There is also a need to be realistic about the foster-to-adopt process, and a need for much education about why reunification is important, if it is possible. Finally, we must fight the notion that foster children are broken; because they are not. These children are resilient and brave and have so much to offer us all. No baby is born into this world with a guarantee of perfection, and the same is true of children who are in foster care. Yes, these kids might have needs that a foster parent did not expect, and to be a foster parent or foster-to-adopt parent, you must be willing to seek help if it is necessary. But this is so true for any parent, no matter how your family comes together. I am so very thankful that we took this journey, that we, without really understanding or knowing at the time, were fearless, faithful, and truly lucky.

VISIT THE FATHERLESS

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the  fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. -James 1:27

MY VERY FIRST MOTHERS DAY

This Sunday will be my very first Mothers Day. It's so hard to believe that I am actually a Mama now. These are the days that I have dreamed and prayed of for as long as I can remember and they are finally here! What a beautiful and sacred responsibility it is to be a mother! 
The past few weeks that we have had her, have been weeks that I will never forget and always cherish. They weeks have been filled with laughter, happiness, confusion, smiles, cuddles, disappointments, and lots of heartache. I look and think of the incredible blessing of having her right now at this very moment. She is ours right now for however long God will keep her with us for. I stand in awe of Him, amazed by all of His many blessings. I never thought I could experience and feel a love so deep as I have with this sweet child. It's an unconditional, pure and innocent love that I cannot even begin to describe. She is His daughter. His angel. His princess. His everything. Each night as I rock her to sleep, I sing "I Am a Child of God" to her and tell her just how much I love her and most importantly how much God loves her and that she is special in every way. As I gently place her in her bed, I pray over her and ask God to bless her, protect her, strengthen her, give her wisdom and guide her throughout her life. Whenever I hear her sweet voice speak the words "Mommy", "I love you", "I want to cuddle with you" or "I want to pray", it makes me smile from ear to ear and my heart pound a gazillion miles a minute. For all you Mama's out there, I just want to wish you a very Happy Mother's day from the bottom of my heart and give you a big hug for all you do. You are amazing!

FOSTER CARE ISN'T FOR ME..ITS FOR THEM.

Having her in our home since last Wednesday,  I have realized a valuable reality and important lesson. I have realized that fostering isn't about ME- it’s not about my fulfillment and needs or my wishes and desires- it’s about supporting the needs of the many children that will be placed in our care. Fostering a child presents a little bit of a dilemma because you welcome a child into your home and try to care for them as if they were your own child while at the same time being ever aware and respectful of the fact that they are not your child.  It is SO hard! It's so hard because I feel so torn and my emotions are all over the place due to this fact. This past week, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. The hardest thing is loving her with all our whole heart and realizing that she might just move on. Josh and I have fallen so much in love and attached to this little girl that its really hard to accept the fact that she might not be with us tomorrow, that there's that slight chance that she will be taking from us. Going into foster care and especially getting our first placement, it makes me wish that we could have a 100+ bedroom house so we can just adopt a bunch of children. I know that it not reality though. I have to keep telling myself that what does matter is the fact that we've been able to provide a great home for a child in need- regardless of whether that child stays in our home for days or months and regardless of how I feel about the judge’s final decision determining their future. These children are all in Gods hands. He is the one that has a plan for each of them. He has a future prepared for them.  I heard one foster Mom tell me  that "not only are you impacting the life of a child, but you are serving as a major resource and support to that child’s family as well.  In some cases your family may be the only reliable alternative that your foster child’s family may have to provide a safe and loving home for their children.  With this in mind, foster care isn't just for the children, but for the families of these children as well.  You are giving a family a chance to come back together again." How true is this! I keep telling myself that I just need to take it one day at a time and focus on what really matters most. Her. She matters most right now and God has a plan that is so much better than mine and He loves her more than I ever could.  Every night as I rock her to sleep and tickle her little back I sing "I Am a Child of God" to her and tell her just how much her Heavenly Father loves her. These are the moments that I will forever remember and will be forever ingrained in my heart.
Question for you Foster Mom's out there.
What is the hardest thing about fostering for you?

FOSTER CARE: WAITING TO GET APPROVED

If you read this post last Friday. We got brand new windows installed in the child's bedroom and they were approved by our licensing agent that night. Yesterday morning, our agent submitted our information to the state to get our license approved. This is where more of the waiting process comes into play. Our agent informed us that it has been taking families about 2-3 weeks to get approved by the state, but as far as I'm concerned, this is all in God's hands...He will make it happen when He thinks its time! Even though I am not experiencing pregnancy, to me its still somewhat similar to the "expecting" period when pregnant. Throughout pregnancy, especially towards the end, pregnant Mamas are expecting to have their little bundle of joy enter in this world. Expecting to see what he/she will look like. Expecting to see what he/she will be like. I am expecting those things too and I simply cannot contain my excitement. I am so ready for this new journey to begin! I thank for calling us and trusting us with such a task.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -Psalm 27:14