FEEDING THE DUCKS.

Right down the street from our house there is this little lake with a water fountain in the center of it. It's so pretty and peaceful. It's the perfect spot to have a picnic. Before she was placed in our home, every time we drove by I used to tell Josh "When we get our first placement, I want to come down here and feed the ducks!" So on Saturday afternoon that is just what we did. She had such a blast. She was smiling and giggling the entire time and shouting "Mama this is very much fun!" (that is toddler talk for you). As we were getting ready to leave, we started walking to the car. She turned around and said "Mama..the ducks are running after us! Run! Run!" There was this one white duck that was super fast, so fast that at one point I thought I would have to pick her up and run. I immediately grabbed her hand and we ran together saying "Run! Run" while we laughed and ran away from the white duck. When we got back to the car she leaned over and put her hands on her knees trying to catch her breathe and said "Phew! That was a close one Mama....but those ducks can't catch us!" while shaking her finger. I just love her to pieces! She brings so much happiness into our home and I am so grateful that we get to care for her at this time in her life. I hope and pray that she won't ever leave, but in the end I have to trust God and His plan, not mine.    

 

 

 

WHAT A FOSTER-TO-ADOPTION PROCESS IS REALLY LIKE

But While You Fly, You Still Wait 

Written by Kelley Porter for Portrait of an Adoption

It was the Friday of Labor Day weekend when we got the call, our first foster care placement. Would we be willing to take a baby girl, 5-weeks-old? How does anyone say no to that?

Already the parents of two wonderful boys, my husband and I considered the idea of adoption, but he was much more hesitant than I was. There was something calling to me, almost like a vision. I could see us as a family of five, with a little girl in the mix. It took some heavy debating and arm-twisting (and a little nudge from his cousin the social worker) to finally convince my husband that this was the right step for us.

When considering adoption, foster-to-adopt was the only consideration I had in mind. We live in a small town; an adoption agency did not seem readily available. Of course, being related to a social worker also convinced us that foster-to-adopt would work for us. A new year came, we took the leap. By February we were ensconced in training. Through this training we saw the worst of worst case scenarios, but still we went on. Sane people would have been scared away, but for some reason we kept up. Finally, certified as foster parents! Then … the wait.

The wait … When considering foster-to-adopt, the wait is part of the process. The wait to get through classes, the wait for “the call.” Then the placement call comes, and you jump in with both feet. Figuring out daycare, appointments here, appointments there. "WIC," what is that? Snuggles and bedtime stories. Hugs and wiping away tears. Hurry up and clean, the social worker is stopping by today! It is everyday life flying by you, so busy ... but while you fly, you still wait. You parent, and you love, and you wait for the foster system. While you love, more and more each day, you set to the side the reminders that you have absolutely and positively no control over the future of the little person in your care. You pray for forever, but social workers have a different job. In your mind you say there are no guarantees here, and you foolishly believe you have control over your heart, but you don’t. A day, a week, a month, and that’s it, you are hopelessly and forever in love. But still, you wait, until the powers that be establish whether you are a forever family or not.

I do not think there is any amount of training that can truly prepare a person to understand the opposing elements of fostering-to-adopt, and the State’s number one goal, which is reunification of families. Sure they warn you, sure your head “understands.” Logically you can spout off to any person who will listen that it is important to keep families together. Realistically, though, to the heart, it is a different matter. Your heart tells you there is no way in the world you will let this child live in this world in less than ideal circumstances. And it is the noblest of the noble who can cheer on birth families and wish them all the best to reunify. These people are saints among us, and they make our world a better place. They must operate in a manner of faith that I know I did not have while I was waiting. I will be the first to admit I was more than relieved when our birth mom left the state. It just confirmed in my heart that my baby girl was meant to be mine, forever.

About two weeks short of two years later, we finally had our adoption hearing. In a courtroom full of our family members, we promised to love and care and raise our little girl, no matter what challenges lie ahead. What a beautiful day it was. Our day of meant to be. And what a little treasure my daughter is. Joyful, sweet, sassy, and strong! All in an itty bity little package. She is the link that completes our family.

I must admit, though, that I know so much more now than I did then. Today I learned of a fellow foster mom who won’t be transitioning to forever family, and her heart is thoroughly and indescribably broken. I believe she knew through this process that forever might not come, but, just like me, she pushed the doubt aside. How can you not? One squeeze and a kiss good night, and you cannot fathom that this is not your forever.

To jump into the world of foster-to-adopt, a person must be absolutely fearless, and find within them a certain measure of faithfulness. Faith that this situation will turn out the way it is supposed to, and that I will have the strength to live with the result, no matter what it might be. This is the advice I would give if someone asked me now. You must be fearless enough to live in the moment, and love with all you’ve got -- these children deserve this because no child comes into foster care without some sort of painful history. Fearless, but faithful, faithful in a way that means you might not end up where you wanted to be. For us, I really believe we thought we knew what we were getting into, but now I understand we were definitely naïve, so naïve, and so lucky.

In our country, as a whole, there is such a need for loving and caring foster families. There is also a need to be realistic about the foster-to-adopt process, and a need for much education about why reunification is important, if it is possible. Finally, we must fight the notion that foster children are broken; because they are not. These children are resilient and brave and have so much to offer us all. No baby is born into this world with a guarantee of perfection, and the same is true of children who are in foster care. Yes, these kids might have needs that a foster parent did not expect, and to be a foster parent or foster-to-adopt parent, you must be willing to seek help if it is necessary. But this is so true for any parent, no matter how your family comes together. I am so very thankful that we took this journey, that we, without really understanding or knowing at the time, were fearless, faithful, and truly lucky.

MY VERY FIRST MOTHERS DAY

This Sunday will be my very first Mothers Day. It's so hard to believe that I am actually a Mama now. These are the days that I have dreamed and prayed of for as long as I can remember and they are finally here! What a beautiful and sacred responsibility it is to be a mother! 
The past few weeks that we have had her, have been weeks that I will never forget and always cherish. They weeks have been filled with laughter, happiness, confusion, smiles, cuddles, disappointments, and lots of heartache. I look and think of the incredible blessing of having her right now at this very moment. She is ours right now for however long God will keep her with us for. I stand in awe of Him, amazed by all of His many blessings. I never thought I could experience and feel a love so deep as I have with this sweet child. It's an unconditional, pure and innocent love that I cannot even begin to describe. She is His daughter. His angel. His princess. His everything. Each night as I rock her to sleep, I sing "I Am a Child of God" to her and tell her just how much I love her and most importantly how much God loves her and that she is special in every way. As I gently place her in her bed, I pray over her and ask God to bless her, protect her, strengthen her, give her wisdom and guide her throughout her life. Whenever I hear her sweet voice speak the words "Mommy", "I love you", "I want to cuddle with you" or "I want to pray", it makes me smile from ear to ear and my heart pound a gazillion miles a minute. For all you Mama's out there, I just want to wish you a very Happy Mother's day from the bottom of my heart and give you a big hug for all you do. You are amazing!

HER NAME MEANS HOPE-OUR FIRST PLACEMENT

It was completely unexpected. We had our last appointment last Tuesday night. I knew that we would eventually get a call..I just didn't think it would be the next day! As I was on my way home Wednesday night, Josh called and told me that the CPS worker called him and they had a 4 year old little girl. I was speechless at first and didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe this was actually happening! 
I continued to drive home and it seemed like I couldn't get home fast enough because I was so excited. Once I got home, Josh and I had less than two hours to get the house tidy and run to the store to get some last minute items which included a few pairs of pajamas, some kids food/snacks and a flower bed set. Josh also picked out the cutest baby doll for her too. We were both so excited and couldn't wait to me her. 
Less than two hours seemed like days to us as we waited with excitement and anticipation for a knock at the door. Finally around 7:15pm, we saw a car pull up. "Josh! She's here! She's here" I shouted.
We opened up the door and saw her for the first time. She was beautiful. She looked at us with her big brown eyes as we smiled at her and said hello. The CPS worker said that she cried and screamed the whole way to our house. He set her down on the ground. I knelt right next to her and asked if she wanted to see her room. She immediately grabbed my hand as we ran to her bedroom. As we entered her room, her big brown eyes got even bigger as she ran around looking at her room and all her toys. I loved seeing her laugh and smile. It made my heart happy. She looked at me and Josh all night for love, affection and safety. Little did she know that no matter how long she is with us, that she would getting all that and so much more!

ANY DAY. ANY HOUR.

Last night we met with our ongoing worker for a "binder appointment". In foster care terms, a binder appointment is when your assigned ongoing worker comes out to visit your home with a binder full of (more) paperwork and (more) forms that you will need to keep track of when each child is placed into your home (incident report, health assessment, wardrobe checklist, emergency contact list, purchase ledger, and health/medical forms). One section in the binder that is very helpful is information with places for food, clothing, entertainment, and activity discounts. There is a place in Mesa called Helen's Hope Chest. They help foster children with all their basic needs. Everything is free. (school supplies, hygiene products, sports equipment, and clothing). You make an appointment and then you and the child can walk through from room to room and the child can pick out what he or she likes. I love that!
Our ongoing worker informed us that our name is up on the board already and it will be any day right now!!!! She said that we have two huge advantages to getting a placement fairly soon. #1: We told our agency that we would be willing to accept two children especially if they were siblings because we wouldn't want to have them separated. #2: Josh works from home. Different workers also switch weeks with carrying "the phone" around in case a call comes through with a child that has been removed from their home. Our worker has the phone this week, so we are crossing our fingers and praying that we get a call! 
I know that God has a child already selected for us and His timing will be perfect when he/she is placed into our home. It can be any day or any hour now. He is the only one that knows when that time is. He is so good!  

ITS OFFICIAL!

Its official!! Yesterday afternoon we were approved by the State and are now certified foster parents! Tonight we get to meet our ongoing case worker who will tell us about some of the ways we can prepare for our first phone call. After tonight, we just sit back and wait for that call to have a sweet little child (or two) placed in our home. We are feeling so very grateful and blessed that God would trust us with such a task to care for and love His children as if they were our own. This entire process has taken us a year to complete. Just to think....now we are only just a few days away from being able to open our home to all the wonderful children that Heavenly Father has prepared to leave in our care. So excited to see what He has in store for us and for these children!