Magical

"Mama. You are so magical. I love you like a BIG heart!"

These sweet words from her little lips gave me chills up and down my body as my eyes started to swell up. I instantly grabbed her little body into my arms and hugged her ever so tightly. It touches my heart deep to the core knowing that in her eyes she believes I am magical. It makes me feel as if I am doing something right and being the best Mama I can be for her.

It's moments like these that I grasp and hold onto so tightly. I wish I could bottle each and every single one of these moments up and seal them forever. Sometimes I feel like these moments will eventually end or I will fail to recognize them and they will slip right through my fingers.

The truth is, moments like these are everything to me. They are something to cherish and always remember.

Motherhood is such an amazing journey. Truly a gift from Him above.

Some Really Exciting News

 

We received the best letter in the mail last week. Our adoption court date has been set for June 8th and we couldn't be more excited! We have had this sweet girl since April of last year. It has definitely been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Fostering has been one of the best things I have experienced in my life, but also one of the most difficult too. It has been an emotional roller coaster filled with happiness, joy, gratitude, sorrow, heartache, fear, and doubt. Would I have changed any of it or have I ever wished that we would have never accepted this call to foster? Absolutely not. I wouldn't trade any of those emotions or any of the difficult times for anything. Nothing at all. In just a little over a month, this little angel with be apart of our forever family and that makes it all so worth it.

December 9th.

This morning as I covered E back up with her blanket and gave her a kiss on her forehead, emotions of gratitude swept over my entire body. I cannot find the words to express just how much I love being a foster mom. I have loved more passionately, hurt more deeply, grieved more bitterly and have celebrated joyously throughout this entire process of caring for this sweet little girl than I could have ever imagined. I am willing to continue to walk down this path of joy, uncertainty, and heartache for her sake, to give her the wonderful life that she so much deserves. As I continue to embrace her brokenness, it paints such a vivid picture for me of how Jesus embraced ours. Counting down the days until she can possibly be apart of our forever family!! December 9th is the day! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers ♡  

I'm Not Disappointed

December 9th. That is court date that is set for severance of E's Mom's rights. Believe me when I say that am counting down the days until that exact date...because I am. I have been waiting for her to be ours forever. I was ready from the moment that she walked through our door. Yesterday we had an unexpected hearing for E. The hearing was scheduled for her younger sister and brother. Last minute, (late last week) we heard about this hearing and our Case Manager told us that it would be great if we could be there, including E. She was going to attempt to present something called a "drive by severance" to the Judge. This normally happens when there are other siblings involved and each sibling has a different court date for possible severance or reunification with their parents. They present this drive by severance to the Judge in hopes that if they are already going to do severance on the other siblings then why wait for the other child or children. Our Case Manager has warned us that it might happen and it might not so not to get our hopes up.

When we arrived at the court house with E, we walked in praying for God's will and His perfect timing. As we approached the courtroom to wait to enter, there was a man standing walking back and forth staring out the window. First glance I knew he was E's brother's Dad. He glanced over at us, especially E a few times then finally walked over to us.

"Is that E?"

"Yes it is. My Husband and I are her foster parents."

Tears came to his eyes. "Last time I saw her was when she was only 7 or 8 months old and her Mom was trying to give her away to her friend because she didn't want her anymore. I actually have quite a few baby pictures of her if you would like to have them?"

"Of course I would! That would be awesome. Thank you so much. Hey....I wish you the best of luck today and my Husband and I really respect the right decision that you have made to step up to the plate and care for your son. That will mean so much to him and he needs you more than ever right now."

We were finally called into the courtroom. As I sat down in between Josh and E, I really thought about why we were there. We were there to support E, to be a voice for her and to fight for her until the end no matter what the outcome may be. I cannot tell you how good that felt. Even thinking about it now gives me goose bumps all over.

The hearing only lasted about 30 minutes. It was interesting to hear the other cases for E's brother and sister. Towards the end, the Judge asked:

 "Are the foster parents of E in the courtroom right now?"

"Yes your honor" as Josh and I raised our hands.

"I just want to first of all thank you for all that you are doing for this child and want to ask you if there is anything that we can do or if there is any kind of statement that you would like to express here today"

I immediately spoke up "Yes your honor I would like to say a few words. I just want to let you know that E has been in our home since April. She is such a special little girl in so many ways and such a joy to have in our home. She has grown and thrived tremendously and we love her so much"

"Thank you for your statement and thank you so much for taking the time to be here."

I could feel the hearing coming to an end and my gut was telling me that it wasn't going to happen...which it didn't. Instead of feelings of disappointment, I had feelings of peace and hope knowing that this is all in God's hands and in His perfect timing. I think it was a huge blessing and an advantage for us to just be able to be there in the first place. Being able to make a connection with E's brother's Dad, having the Judge see us there and being able to speak on behalf of E.

26 days today until December 9th! We are pushing forward with faith and hope in our God that is WAY bigger than the foster care system! 

Wish us luck!

What We Wore Wednesday and a Foster Care Update

On Monday, we got the opportunity to attend a Foster Care Review Board Meeting for E. 

A Foster Care Review Board Meeting advises the juvenile court on progress toward achieving a permanent home for a child or children involved in a dependency action and in an out-of-home placement. There are 5 volunteer board members. The well-being of these children is the highest concern to these board members. I am so grateful to them for the time and effort they put into insuring that each child can find a forever home.

I am also grateful that Josh and I as foster parents where able to be there to be a voice for E. To express our concerns, our opinions and also tell them how great E is doing in our home and just how much we love and adore her. They asked us if we would have any interest in adopting her. Josh and I both shook our heads right away at the same time and said most definitely!

Our Case Manager also showed up to the meeting too which was a HUGE blessing for us, because she bragged and bragged to the board about Josh and I and also told them about how E is growing and thriving in our home, how happy she really is and how she calls Josh "Daddy" and me "Mommy". She called our home the perfect home and expressed that she wishes that we could take in more children to love and care for. She express to the board that she has been a Case Manager for a long time and that she believes that there is a forever home out there for each child.

The board was also very elated that we were there as E's foster parents supporting her and fighting for her. She is worth the fight in every single way. Every. Single. Way.

E's Mom is still no where to be found. She has been in contact with her Dad, but presents no interest in trying to get her children back. She has missed numerous visits, court hearings and other important meetings. It's sad. Very sad. I pray a lot for her.

Towards the end of the meeting, the "head" of the board pointed to our Case Manager and said:

"Mom obviously has no interest or desire to get her children back. It's been months. There has been no contact and no effort on her part whatsoever. The board's final vote is to have the Mother's right severed as quickly as possible and get these children in permanent homes. Homes that are going to love and care for these children like they should be loved and cared for."

The next step in all of this is for the board members to present their opinions and final decision to the Judge and then the Judge will make the final call. (fingers crossed)

After the meeting was over, the head of the board came around to us, shook our hands and thanked us for all that we have done for E and for stepping up to the plate to make a difference in these kiddos lives. 

I was ecstatic after leaving the meeting and cried like a baby on the way back to work thanking God repeatedly for His faithfulness, His goodness, and His love throughout all of this. Some days I ponder and think about how we got here...how we got to this point in our lives. I never thought in a million years that I would be a foster Mother fostering these sweet wonderful children. I have been praying and praying fervently for over a year to get pregnant. I guess the Lord had different plans for our family. I am so so thankful that Josh and I listened to the promptings of the spirit to become foster parents. That we accepted this call to serve Him and love and serve His children. All of it is because of Him. All of it! I am so grateful for Him and His wonderful plan for our lives. He is so good!

I hope you will stay tuned and continue to follow us on our Foster Care journey!

What is God doing in your life? I would love to hear about it! Comment below.

 

(me) skirt: thrifted // top: thrifted // jacket: Ross // necklace: F21 // watch: Target 
(e) top and dress: thrifted // shoes: gift

WHAT WE WORE WEDNESDAY.

Today is going to be one busy day! We have E's lawyer coming over at 4:30 and then our foster licensing specialist coming right after that at 5:30. I got word last week from our Case Manager that there is Foster Care Review Board Meeting scheduled for E on September 15th. The Foster Care Review Board advises the juvenile court on progress toward achieving a permanent home for a child or children involved in a dependency action and in an out-of-home placement. The well-being of these kiddos is the highest concern to these board members. I am so grateful that they can be a "voice" for them, because a huge majority of them don't have a voice. They are placed in a home with people that they have never met before and just have to adjust. I am so thankful that E has been placed with us and that she is adjusting and growing in our home with us. I am so thankful that Josh and I accepted God's calling for us to love and care for His children. Our journey so far doesn't have any words to describe it. We have been taught so much and have learned so many things along the way. Our faith has grown tremendously and we have learned what it means to really truly trust God. Fostering has been one of the best experiences of my life and I cannot wait to see what God has planned for E and for our family. Sometimes I get this feeling like I wish I could help out more and do more. I wish that I had a humongous 20 bedroom home that I could fill with these precious little kiddos...but I don't...and that's okay. Whenever I feel this way, I always hear a sweet whisper from God telling me that I am doing enough..that I am doing more than enough and that I am changing lives one child at a time. God's surprises and His blessings are always so wonderful!  I love my God so much. He is so good, so faithful, so loving and so merciful. I don't know what I would do without Him in my life. Please keep E and our family in your prayers during this time of changes and transitioning. Thank you!

(me) skirt: Nordstrom Rack // shoes: Zulily // purse: TJ Maxx // shirt: thrifted // 

sunglasses: TJ Maxx // earrings: Chicos // watch: Target // bracelet: Ettika

(e) top: thrifted // skirt: thrifted // shoes: Payless // hairclip: Dollar Tree

WHAT WE WORE WEDNESDAY AND A FOSTER CARE UPDATE.

Last week we received a letter in the mail for clothing allowance for E. It didn't have any instructions on how to obtain the clothing allowance, but had the number to our Case Manager in case we had any questions about it. I decided to call her and I am so happy that I did. We spent close to 45 minutes on the phone talking about our case. The update that she gave me was very positive. Whenever a new case is opened in the foster care system, they first establish a "case plan" or a "case time frame". It usually depends on the type of case and the age of the child. For E, we were told that her case plan was for 9 months and we have had her since April. There is a court hearing scheduled for the end of October. Since her Mom is completely out of the picture at this point, our Case Manager informed me that our case might move faster than we might expect and there is a huge possibility that the Mom's rights will be severed in the next few months and E will come up for adoption. She told me that her Mom would need to make some pretty drastic changes right now to have any chance at being able to get E and her other children back. First question she asked me was if we would be willing to adopt E. I told her if it came to that point, we would definitely want to. Then her second question came as a big surprise to me. She told me that the Grandpa who is taking care of E's brother (who is 3 years old) is not interested at all in adopting him. She then asked me, "Would you be willing to adopt both E and her younger brother?" I was speechless for a moment, but thinking about it and the possibility of that happening made me so giddy. I told her that Josh and I would need to think and pray about first, but we would definitely consider it. 
Our foster care journey has challenged our faith more times than I can count and my faith has grown in leaps and bounds because of it. Every time I become fearful or get anxiety of the unknown and what might be ahead, I lean back on the fact of who brought us here to where we are right now. Looking back, "my plan" was to already be staying at home with one of our own babies (maybe 2)...but Heavenly Father had a completely different plan for our family than what I would have ever imagined. It's been such a wonderful journey and I am so grateful that we were able and that we were willing to become foster parents. Last night as E wrapped her arms around me to cuddle in her bed, tears of joy and immense gratitude fell down my face as I held her tight. Heavenly Father truly is good and I know He is in the midst of all of this. There is something so beautiful and so wonderful about trusting in Him and trusting His plan and not our own. I have surrendered my will and my plans for His will and His plans for my life, for E and for our family. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for reading! Hope you have a fantastic day!!

     (me) shirt: Kohls // cropped jeans: Kohls // shoes: Zulily // purse(F21): Goodwill //  bracelet: Goodwill // earrings: Forever 21 // Sunglasses: Tillys
(e) dress: Costco // shoes: Payless // purse: gift from Mom // Sunglasses: gift from my friend Lindsay  

SHOES SENT FROM HEAVEN

A few weeks prior to my Dad passing, he would call himself "Mr. Melancholy". Out of the blue one night when I came home from work he called me into his bedroom and told me that he found this website called Zulily and he wanted me to pick out a few pairs of shoes and some dresses. Well this one night turned into a couple of nights here and there and before I knew it, I thought he bought me enough shoes and dresses to wear a new dress with a new pair of shoes for each day of the week. I kept telling him, "Dad...I really appreciate all this but you really don't have to buy me all this stuff." He would always reply back with "I know I don't have to..but I want to. It reminds me of when you were a little girl and used to open up presents and I loved to see the smile on your face and how happy you were...you do the same thing now and it makes me feel so good." He was such a giver and was always so generous...that is one of the things I loved most about him.    Within about week or two, shipments of shoes and dresses started to arrive at our house here and there. My Dad was the cutest because whenever a shipment would arrive he couldn't wait for me to try them on and model them for him. It brought such a smile to his face and we would both just sit back and laugh.
Two days after my Dad passed, the last thing on my mind was shoes, dresses or anything else for that matter. All I thought about was my Dad and how sudden his death was and how much I missed him. The doorbell rang. Josh answered it. He stepped back into our house holding a package. I knew exactly what it was...another pair of shoes. I was hesitant to open them, because I knew I would get really emotional and my emotions were written all over my face at that moment. Josh came over and handed the box to me and held onto me for a few minutes. "Just think of these as a little gift from your Dad in Heaven. I think you should take them into his room and open them as if he was there." I took the box from him and went into my Dad's room to open them up by myself. I needed this moment alone. As I unwrapped the paper and opened up the box, my eyes immediately filled with water and I started crying. The door opened and Josh walked in to comfort me. " I just wish my Dad was here to see me open them and try them on!" I said. Josh said, "He is here honey...he can see...he can hear. Will you do me a favor? What I want you to do is try them on and model them like he was right here in this room."  I looked at him with a half cracked smile and thought he was silly. "I'm serious!" he said. "Please...do it for me. I think it will make you feel better." So I did. For him. For my sweet Husband whom I love so very much. I put the left heel on and then the right one. I looked over at Josh feeling pretty silly, then got to my feet and started walking around my Dad's room. I walked back and forth a few times in my new heels. Josh was right, my tears faded quickly away. I felt happy and peaceful. A few more shipments have arrived since then and every time I open up a new package, I get so excited. Now every time I wear a pair of shoes or a dress that my Dad bought me I think of him. I think of how much I miss him. I think of how much I love him. I think of how very blessed I am to have a Dad like him. 

dress: Down East Basics // sunnies: TJ Maxx // Shoes: Zulily // gold bracelet: Ettika // watch: Target I would love to see some of your outfit posts too! Link up below!

BEDTIME STORIES.

    

One of my favorite things to do with E is cuddle up with her and read books. She could read book after book for hours on end. I am quite the little bookworm myself, so when she says she wants to read I am all for it. I have so many memories when I was younger of my Mom and Dad reading to me. I remember those moments and I will forever cherish those. Nothing in the world compared to snuggling up next to my Mom or Dad while they read me a story. Every night we have our bedtime story reading routine. Before putting E into bed she says "Mama..can we read stories together?" as she looks up at me with her big brown eyes. The way she looks at me makes it so hard for me to say no, even on those nights when she has had a long nap at school and probably won't fall asleep until 10 and I still have to shower and get ready for work the next day. Her favorites right now are the books that make noises and the ones that have the mystery pops with pictures underneath. She also love to look at the pictures and come up with the story on her own. Some of the things she comes up with just make me smile and laugh hysterically. I love these sweet moments with her. It makes me feel like a kiddo all over again!

 

GOODNIGHT KISSES.

It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I feel just that way about this one. Josh snapped this picture last night of E (can't disclose her name) giving me kisses just before putting her to bed. I tear up every time I look at it..which has been a lot. It makes me feel happy, grateful and very blessed by a loving Heavenly Father to be able to care for His children.
Since fostering, God has placed so many other foster Mom's directly in my path. I have become close with a lot them and I am grateful for each one. We are able to talk, relate to one another, cry with each other, and lift each other up as we are all on this journey together trying to make a difference in this world one child at a time. I posted this picture on my Instagram last night and got a flood of comments, texts and emails.
This morning I woke up to a comment on yesterday's post from a women named Elizabeth. Her comment completely brought me to tears on my drive from work. I don't know her, but I feel like I do. It doesn't show her picture, but she is someone that I would definitely want to get to know. Elizabeth, if you are reading this post right now, I would love to connect with you and get to know you better. You seem like such an amazing woman, with such a huge warm and gentle heart. Your comment has really touched my soul and has made my day today. Thank you so so much Elizabeth!

For all the rest of you who are praying for us and thinking of our family, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means more to us than you know, so thank you! I will continue to keep you updated............
Have a great day!!