Diary of a Brown Eyed Girl: I'M NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE JUST YET.

I'M NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE JUST YET.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014




We have had the wonderful blessing of having E in our home for a little over 8 weeks now. This past week I have been really praying fervently about God's will for our family and His will for her. I have learned...when you ask God for something, be prepared for Him to answer! Yesterday there was a court hearing in the morning and last night we met our new ongoing CPS worker. On my drive home from work, I kept praying that we would get an update on her case or some good news. I told myself...whatever happens has to happen. It's all in His hands..so I rested my thoughts on that. We received just the opposite of what we desired to hear. She first asked us about E to see how she has been adjusting in our home and if there is anything that we should tell her that they would need to know about. In the next breath, she mentioned the word "transitioning" (of course you could imagine what I instantly felt as I heard that one simple word). My stomach immediately dropped and my heart instantly starting aching as the tears streamed down my face. 

She told us that E would be moving on to live with her Grandpa, his wife and her 6 year old sister. From day one when she was placed into the foster care system, CPS was trying to search out family for her to live with and they had no luck. Her Grandpa somehow found out that she was removed and placed within the system. He immediately called and told them he wanted to care for her and her older sister. The ultimate goal in Foster Care is always reunification with the biological parents or other family members that can care for the child or children. Our CPS worker couldn't give us an exact time frame on how much longer she will be with us, but she estimated about 10 days or less...but nothing longer than that. It could be any day now. So we wait.

The time that we have been able to spend with her has been so bittersweet. I will always love her and will miss her like crazy. She will always have a huge place in my heart. Josh and I are going to take the short amount of time that we have left with her to have a lot of fun, continue to give her all the love that we possibly can, and to cherish every moment for the next week or less. I really don't have any words to describe just how much my heart is aching right now. I have been praying for strength, comfort and peace...and mostly for E and her little heart. I know I need to continue to lean on God for strength and trust in Him. I know that God doesn't cause pain without allowing something new to be born. (Isaiah 66:9) He is always faithful. I am ready to continue this wonderful journey that He has prepared for our family. I know that if I am brave and strong enough to say Goodbye, that He will bless us with a new Hello.
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