I'VE LEARNED.

I came across this inspiring quote from Maya Angelou  on Kelli Murray's blog and it has stuck with me for the past few days now......

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life". I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou

>>>>>>I am also loving this post from Al Fox too. 

YOU SURROUND ME.

You're in the sun and in the rain and in the waves upon the sea. You're in the wind and in the sand and in the grass beneath my feet. You're in the rocks and in the leaves and every branch on every tree. You are the joy, you are the pain, you are the hope that carries me. You surround me Lord!

MISSING HAND TOWEL AND BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE.

Last week, Josh, E and I were outside planting flowers in our two front flower beds. After we were done, we came inside to get a cold drink and have a Popsicle together. The first thing I did was wash my hands. I couldn't find my gardening gloves, so my hands were covered in dirt. As I reached for the hand towel, it was gone. I went into our linen closet to find another one to dry my hands with. As I was walking out of our bathroom, I could hear music down the hallway coming from E's bedroom. As I approached the bedroom, the door was slightly shut. I peered my eyes through the opening of the doorway to find E rocking her stuffed frog (wrapped in the hand towel..hahaha) back and forth singing I Am a Child of God. I stood there in the doorway for a couple of minutes just listening to her sweet voice and praising God for His goodness and faithfulness for placing this child in our home. As I walked in, E looked up at me and said "Mama..shhhhhh (with her little finger to her lips) I am rocking my froggy to sleep. He's so tired, He's had a very rough day." Every night at bedtime, I sit in this same chair rocking her to sleep and sing children's hymns to her. "Mama..can you sing to me please?!?" 

It's so true when I hear people say that children are like little sponges. Without us even realizing it, they soak up every little thing we say and do. If we pay attention to what our children say to us, though, we realize just how much they pay attention to us. They look to us to set the example, to be their guidance, and to teach them right from wrong. They want us to establish boundaries for them, and they learn from us how to behave, and how to treat others. As we all go about our busy lives it is important to ask ourselves what kind of example we are setting for our children. What we do and say shapes the people they will become, so we need to stop for a moment and take into account what kind of future adults we are creating. I am so grateful that I am able to be an example to her. I hope that when she leaves next week, that she will always remember the many things we taught her, the example we set before her and the unconditional love that we showed her. I hope that she will always remember us and remember all the love she felt as she was with us in our home. I know that we will never forget her and she will always have a HUGE place deep inside our hearts.

Listen to E singing part of I Am a Child of God. I love her sweet voice! Click HERE to listen.

WHIRLWIND OF EMOTIONS.

  Last week on Wednesday night we met with our CPS worker who told us that E is going to go live with her Maternal Grandpa. She will be leaving us in about two weeks or less. The next day (Thursday) I got a call from Josh at work telling me that my Dad went to see his doctor and he now has about 6 months left to live give or take. I remember sitting at my desk, trying my best to hold my tears back....I just couldn't. They came...a flood of tears streaming down my face. I got up from my desk and went in to tell my boss what was happening. He immediately got up from his desk, gave me a big hug and said "Go home. You need to be with your Dad right now." I rushed out of work to come home and see my Dad. I cried the whole way home asking God why this was all happening at once. Once I arrived home, it seemed as if I couldn't get out of my car fast enough to get in our house. As I walked through the door, my Dad looked at me confused and said "Why are you home from work so early?" I looked at him with tears in eyes..."I'm here Dad. I'm here for you and I will always be. I love you so much. I hope you know that. I hope you know just how very much I love you." My mind is consumed with everything. I have a whirlwind of emotions and I can't pinpoint exactly how I feel. I have fear of the unknown and I don't know why this time around I am having so much trouble trusting God through all of this. I am feeling emotions of loss, loss of E and eventually the loss of my Dad. I am exhausted. Exhausted emotionally. Since Wednesday, I have been on my knees crying out to my God asking for peace, comfort and direction through all of this. Deep down, I also feel as though the timing is perfect though because with having E around, it makes it very hard to get to spend any time with my Dad (if you are a Mother, you probably understand...its' go go 24/7). Josh made a good point to me that maybe God is possibly removing her from our lives so that I can spend all the time I can with my Dad before he passes. I also feel like He placed her into our lives at the perfect time too so my Dad could get to experience being a Grandpa and see me being a mother since he wont be here to see our own kids. She has been a blessing for my Dad mentally. She will always run into his room doing something funny saying "Grandpa Grandpa watch me watch me!" and he will smile and laugh. Sometimes things happen and we may not understand why or Gods plan for all of it. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense to us. Sometimes we just have to trust that He has a purpose and a plan and that He is bigger and can make even the impossible become possible. In the days ahead I know I am going to experience loss, heartache and fear of the unknown... but I also know its going to be a journey with my God, a journey where I can walk holding His hand every step of the way trusting that He knows what's best and will comfort me whenever I need Him to.  Heres to my God that is good, faithful, loving and bigger than anything.        

FEEDING THE DUCKS.

Right down the street from our house there is this little lake with a water fountain in the center of it. It's so pretty and peaceful. It's the perfect spot to have a picnic. Before she was placed in our home, every time we drove by I used to tell Josh "When we get our first placement, I want to come down here and feed the ducks!" So on Saturday afternoon that is just what we did. She had such a blast. She was smiling and giggling the entire time and shouting "Mama this is very much fun!" (that is toddler talk for you). As we were getting ready to leave, we started walking to the car. She turned around and said "Mama..the ducks are running after us! Run! Run!" There was this one white duck that was super fast, so fast that at one point I thought I would have to pick her up and run. I immediately grabbed her hand and we ran together saying "Run! Run" while we laughed and ran away from the white duck. When we got back to the car she leaned over and put her hands on her knees trying to catch her breathe and said "Phew! That was a close one Mama....but those ducks can't catch us!" while shaking her finger. I just love her to pieces! She brings so much happiness into our home and I am so grateful that we get to care for her at this time in her life. I hope and pray that she won't ever leave, but in the end I have to trust God and His plan, not mine.    

 

 

 

WHAT MATTERS MOST WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CHILDREN?

As Mother's, we can all be hard on ourselves. We can often feel like we must be perfect.

The house needs to be clean. The laundry must be done. Meals need to be prepared. 

Oh, and don’t forget about all those extracurricular events for each of your children (sports, music, church activities, etc.)

As we constantly attend to the daily wants and needs of our families, we must not only consider what needs to be done, but why we are actually doing it in the first place.

As a parent we often want to give our children opportunities that we were maybe not offered as we grew up, and sometimes the daily hurrying and scurrying from activity to activity drowns out the cherished moments that create all those lasting memories.

Stop for a minute and ask yourself a question: What matters most to your children?

Do you think it would surprise us to discover that it is the small things that children remember and cherish the most? It isn't all the extravagant family vacations, big houses, toys or fancy cars. Rather, it is the one-on-one time they we share together with our children. That is what matters most and that is what they will forever remember.

How can we create and maintain a healthy and thriving relationship with our children so they can know just how much we love and care for them? 

Here are some tips:

1. Show Your Love Daily

Hugs, kisses, and using the words "I love you" cannot be overused, especially for teens who may battle feelings of self-doubt or insecurity. 

2. Praise and Uplift

Everyone, especially children, thrive on feelings of recognition and acceptance. When we as parents criticize or react negatively to our children's best efforts, it may result in irreparable damage to their self-worth and confidence. Our children can feel best about themselves if they receive praise and positive reinforcement from us.

3. Provide Counsel and Invite Open Communication

We should always strive to help our children develop a healthy sense of their individual worth. We shouldn't minimize or ignore our children's thoughts or feelings, but rather encourage them to express themselves and use that as a platform to openly communicate.

4. Pray With and For Your Children

As parents, we always need help from God on a daily basis. I can't get through a day without talking to him and expressing my hurts, frustrations, desires, etc. I need Him every hour. As we do this, we continually pour out our hearts to God to bless our children we invoke the blessings of heaven. As we do this with our children, we can teach them the power of prayer and set an example that they can emulate.

As a Mother or Father, what are some tips that you have to increase your relationship with your children or to show them just how much you love them? 

I would love to hear your comments! Comment below!

COMMON MYTHS ABOUT FOSTER CARE.

Myth: Most children in foster care have had dozens of placements. Reality: The average number of placements for a foster child is around three.
Myth: I have no control over which children I'm asked to foster. Reality: You can't choose the specific child that you would like to foster, but you can narrow it down to what you would be interested in. Age, gender, and ethnicity. 
Myth: I cant be a foster parent if I have a full-time job outside of the home.  Reality: You don't need to be a stay at home Mother to foster! If the child requires daycare, that is paid for
Myth: As a foster parents, I will receive little to no support from the State.  Reality: You receive a reimbursement for food, clothing, medical, dental, counseling services and daycare.
Myth: I am not allowed to adopt any of the children that I foster.  Reality: While slightly more than half of the children who enter foster care return to their birth families, there are still thousands of children who cannot return home. Of the 51,000 children in foster care last year, 54 percent were adopted by their foster parents. 
Myth: It's really hard to become a foster parent. Reality: It's not as hard as you think. Yes there is training and a TON of paperwork but its SO worth it in the end!
Myth: You have to be married to be a foster parent.  Reality: Everyone is welcome. People who cohabit, divorced or single may become foster parents.
Myth: Biological parents are "bad" people who should never be allowed to get their child or children back. Reality: Biological parents love their children but they are having difficulties maintaining their safety and well-being. DCF ensures the safety of children, while helping parents access the resources and services they need to help overcome their current circumstances. The department works with biological parents, caregivers and community providers to assist with reunification when appropriate. However, when reunification is not at all possible, the department looks to place a child into an adoptive home.
Myth: Adopting a child through foster care is expensive. Reality: Adopting a child through foster care is virtually free. Many agencies do not charge for the services they provide to families who are adopting a child from foster care. 
Myth: Children in foster care have too much "baggage." Reality: This is one of the biggest myths of all. Children in foster care, just like all children, have ENORMOUS potential to thrive given love, patience and a stable environment. 
Myth: I can’t be a foster parent because I would get too attached. It would be too hard to see them leave. (This is the most asked question I get) Reality: It’s true — you WILL get attached, and it will be painful when children you love leave. But these children have suffered through things no child should ever face, and they need the love and care foster parents provide when they open their hearts and homes. When God calls you to do His work, He’s going to make sure you’re equipped to do it.

Are you a foster parent? Would you ever consider becoming a foster parent? 
Have questions? Comment below, I would love to hear from you!!

THE THINGS SHE SAYS.

Her: "Mama, I want to fly!" Me: "You need wings to fly baby girl" Her: "Okay..well lets go buy some at the store so we can!!"
Her: "Mama, did you eat your food all gone?" Me: "Yup. It's in my tummy right now" Her: "Can I see??"
To her cousins at Sunday dinner: "Come on kids, come on kids!"
Every night............ Her: "Mama, is it shower-time?" Me: "Yup it's shower-time" Her: "And then cuddles and you sing?" Me: "Yes honey, Mama will cuddle and sing to you"
Me: "Okay lets pray for the food" Her: "I want to pray!" Me: "Okay go ahead" (we all sit and wait and then she looks at me) Her: "Noooo...YOU talk!"
When Josh or I say something like you're so silly or you're too funny.. "Nope! I am (she says her name) and I'm 4!" (while holding 4 fingers up)

WHAT A FOSTER-TO-ADOPTION PROCESS IS REALLY LIKE

But While You Fly, You Still Wait 

Written by Kelley Porter for Portrait of an Adoption

It was the Friday of Labor Day weekend when we got the call, our first foster care placement. Would we be willing to take a baby girl, 5-weeks-old? How does anyone say no to that?

Already the parents of two wonderful boys, my husband and I considered the idea of adoption, but he was much more hesitant than I was. There was something calling to me, almost like a vision. I could see us as a family of five, with a little girl in the mix. It took some heavy debating and arm-twisting (and a little nudge from his cousin the social worker) to finally convince my husband that this was the right step for us.

When considering adoption, foster-to-adopt was the only consideration I had in mind. We live in a small town; an adoption agency did not seem readily available. Of course, being related to a social worker also convinced us that foster-to-adopt would work for us. A new year came, we took the leap. By February we were ensconced in training. Through this training we saw the worst of worst case scenarios, but still we went on. Sane people would have been scared away, but for some reason we kept up. Finally, certified as foster parents! Then … the wait.

The wait … When considering foster-to-adopt, the wait is part of the process. The wait to get through classes, the wait for “the call.” Then the placement call comes, and you jump in with both feet. Figuring out daycare, appointments here, appointments there. "WIC," what is that? Snuggles and bedtime stories. Hugs and wiping away tears. Hurry up and clean, the social worker is stopping by today! It is everyday life flying by you, so busy ... but while you fly, you still wait. You parent, and you love, and you wait for the foster system. While you love, more and more each day, you set to the side the reminders that you have absolutely and positively no control over the future of the little person in your care. You pray for forever, but social workers have a different job. In your mind you say there are no guarantees here, and you foolishly believe you have control over your heart, but you don’t. A day, a week, a month, and that’s it, you are hopelessly and forever in love. But still, you wait, until the powers that be establish whether you are a forever family or not.

I do not think there is any amount of training that can truly prepare a person to understand the opposing elements of fostering-to-adopt, and the State’s number one goal, which is reunification of families. Sure they warn you, sure your head “understands.” Logically you can spout off to any person who will listen that it is important to keep families together. Realistically, though, to the heart, it is a different matter. Your heart tells you there is no way in the world you will let this child live in this world in less than ideal circumstances. And it is the noblest of the noble who can cheer on birth families and wish them all the best to reunify. These people are saints among us, and they make our world a better place. They must operate in a manner of faith that I know I did not have while I was waiting. I will be the first to admit I was more than relieved when our birth mom left the state. It just confirmed in my heart that my baby girl was meant to be mine, forever.

About two weeks short of two years later, we finally had our adoption hearing. In a courtroom full of our family members, we promised to love and care and raise our little girl, no matter what challenges lie ahead. What a beautiful day it was. Our day of meant to be. And what a little treasure my daughter is. Joyful, sweet, sassy, and strong! All in an itty bity little package. She is the link that completes our family.

I must admit, though, that I know so much more now than I did then. Today I learned of a fellow foster mom who won’t be transitioning to forever family, and her heart is thoroughly and indescribably broken. I believe she knew through this process that forever might not come, but, just like me, she pushed the doubt aside. How can you not? One squeeze and a kiss good night, and you cannot fathom that this is not your forever.

To jump into the world of foster-to-adopt, a person must be absolutely fearless, and find within them a certain measure of faithfulness. Faith that this situation will turn out the way it is supposed to, and that I will have the strength to live with the result, no matter what it might be. This is the advice I would give if someone asked me now. You must be fearless enough to live in the moment, and love with all you’ve got -- these children deserve this because no child comes into foster care without some sort of painful history. Fearless, but faithful, faithful in a way that means you might not end up where you wanted to be. For us, I really believe we thought we knew what we were getting into, but now I understand we were definitely naïve, so naïve, and so lucky.

In our country, as a whole, there is such a need for loving and caring foster families. There is also a need to be realistic about the foster-to-adopt process, and a need for much education about why reunification is important, if it is possible. Finally, we must fight the notion that foster children are broken; because they are not. These children are resilient and brave and have so much to offer us all. No baby is born into this world with a guarantee of perfection, and the same is true of children who are in foster care. Yes, these kids might have needs that a foster parent did not expect, and to be a foster parent or foster-to-adopt parent, you must be willing to seek help if it is necessary. But this is so true for any parent, no matter how your family comes together. I am so very thankful that we took this journey, that we, without really understanding or knowing at the time, were fearless, faithful, and truly lucky.

VISIT THE FATHERLESS

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the  fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. -James 1:27

MY VERY FIRST MOTHERS DAY

This Sunday will be my very first Mothers Day. It's so hard to believe that I am actually a Mama now. These are the days that I have dreamed and prayed of for as long as I can remember and they are finally here! What a beautiful and sacred responsibility it is to be a mother! 
The past few weeks that we have had her, have been weeks that I will never forget and always cherish. They weeks have been filled with laughter, happiness, confusion, smiles, cuddles, disappointments, and lots of heartache. I look and think of the incredible blessing of having her right now at this very moment. She is ours right now for however long God will keep her with us for. I stand in awe of Him, amazed by all of His many blessings. I never thought I could experience and feel a love so deep as I have with this sweet child. It's an unconditional, pure and innocent love that I cannot even begin to describe. She is His daughter. His angel. His princess. His everything. Each night as I rock her to sleep, I sing "I Am a Child of God" to her and tell her just how much I love her and most importantly how much God loves her and that she is special in every way. As I gently place her in her bed, I pray over her and ask God to bless her, protect her, strengthen her, give her wisdom and guide her throughout her life. Whenever I hear her sweet voice speak the words "Mommy", "I love you", "I want to cuddle with you" or "I want to pray", it makes me smile from ear to ear and my heart pound a gazillion miles a minute. For all you Mama's out there, I just want to wish you a very Happy Mother's day from the bottom of my heart and give you a big hug for all you do. You are amazing!

LIFE LATELY IN PHOTOS

FOSTER CARE ISN'T FOR ME..ITS FOR THEM.

Having her in our home since last Wednesday,  I have realized a valuable reality and important lesson. I have realized that fostering isn't about ME- it’s not about my fulfillment and needs or my wishes and desires- it’s about supporting the needs of the many children that will be placed in our care. Fostering a child presents a little bit of a dilemma because you welcome a child into your home and try to care for them as if they were your own child while at the same time being ever aware and respectful of the fact that they are not your child.  It is SO hard! It's so hard because I feel so torn and my emotions are all over the place due to this fact. This past week, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. The hardest thing is loving her with all our whole heart and realizing that she might just move on. Josh and I have fallen so much in love and attached to this little girl that its really hard to accept the fact that she might not be with us tomorrow, that there's that slight chance that she will be taking from us. Going into foster care and especially getting our first placement, it makes me wish that we could have a 100+ bedroom house so we can just adopt a bunch of children. I know that it not reality though. I have to keep telling myself that what does matter is the fact that we've been able to provide a great home for a child in need- regardless of whether that child stays in our home for days or months and regardless of how I feel about the judge’s final decision determining their future. These children are all in Gods hands. He is the one that has a plan for each of them. He has a future prepared for them.  I heard one foster Mom tell me  that "not only are you impacting the life of a child, but you are serving as a major resource and support to that child’s family as well.  In some cases your family may be the only reliable alternative that your foster child’s family may have to provide a safe and loving home for their children.  With this in mind, foster care isn't just for the children, but for the families of these children as well.  You are giving a family a chance to come back together again." How true is this! I keep telling myself that I just need to take it one day at a time and focus on what really matters most. Her. She matters most right now and God has a plan that is so much better than mine and He loves her more than I ever could.  Every night as I rock her to sleep and tickle her little back I sing "I Am a Child of God" to her and tell her just how much her Heavenly Father loves her. These are the moments that I will forever remember and will be forever ingrained in my heart.
Question for you Foster Mom's out there.
What is the hardest thing about fostering for you?

ANY DAY. ANY HOUR.

Last night we met with our ongoing worker for a "binder appointment". In foster care terms, a binder appointment is when your assigned ongoing worker comes out to visit your home with a binder full of (more) paperwork and (more) forms that you will need to keep track of when each child is placed into your home (incident report, health assessment, wardrobe checklist, emergency contact list, purchase ledger, and health/medical forms). One section in the binder that is very helpful is information with places for food, clothing, entertainment, and activity discounts. There is a place in Mesa called Helen's Hope Chest. They help foster children with all their basic needs. Everything is free. (school supplies, hygiene products, sports equipment, and clothing). You make an appointment and then you and the child can walk through from room to room and the child can pick out what he or she likes. I love that!
Our ongoing worker informed us that our name is up on the board already and it will be any day right now!!!! She said that we have two huge advantages to getting a placement fairly soon. #1: We told our agency that we would be willing to accept two children especially if they were siblings because we wouldn't want to have them separated. #2: Josh works from home. Different workers also switch weeks with carrying "the phone" around in case a call comes through with a child that has been removed from their home. Our worker has the phone this week, so we are crossing our fingers and praying that we get a call! 
I know that God has a child already selected for us and His timing will be perfect when he/she is placed into our home. It can be any day or any hour now. He is the only one that knows when that time is. He is so good!  

FOSTER CARE: WAITING TO GET APPROVED

If you read this post last Friday. We got brand new windows installed in the child's bedroom and they were approved by our licensing agent that night. Yesterday morning, our agent submitted our information to the state to get our license approved. This is where more of the waiting process comes into play. Our agent informed us that it has been taking families about 2-3 weeks to get approved by the state, but as far as I'm concerned, this is all in God's hands...He will make it happen when He thinks its time! Even though I am not experiencing pregnancy, to me its still somewhat similar to the "expecting" period when pregnant. Throughout pregnancy, especially towards the end, pregnant Mamas are expecting to have their little bundle of joy enter in this world. Expecting to see what he/she will look like. Expecting to see what he/she will be like. I am expecting those things too and I simply cannot contain my excitement. I am so ready for this new journey to begin! I thank for calling us and trusting us with such a task.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -Psalm 27:14