IS IT OKAY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE TO HAVE FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
My relationship with my wonderful husband began at my previous job. I moved to Arizona from Oregon in August 2009. I spent the majority of my time searching and applying for jobs. I had an interview at a custom web design company in Scottsdale for an office manager position. As I was waiting in the conference room, in walked a tall (6'6") handsome guy with a gorgeous smile. At that point I could feel my palms start to sweat and my stomach turn. I left the interview hoping and praying that if it was God's will I would get that job. Just a few days later, I got a call and I got the job! Guess who I would be working with and trained by?!??! Yup! You guessed it! Oh yeah! Dream come true baby! We spent all day every day working and training together....which then lead to hanging out as friends outside of work...which then lead to dating.....which then lead to falling head over heels in love with other.....which then lead to marriage!! We have now been married for 3 blissful years and I am loving every bit of it! Josh is everything I prayed about and so much more!
So lets talk about friends of the opposite sex. I know all throughout high school and in college, I had a ton of guy friends..sometimes even more guy friends that I did girlfriends.
But what about now that I am married? Is that still considered to be okay?
It's a very tricky question. Friends of the opposite sex can sometimes cause issues in relationships—from small bouts of jealousy to devastating cases of infidelity—but does that mean that once you’re in a committed relationship, you have to swear off all other friendships with those whose gender competes with that of your significant other?
When Josh and I started dating, we both agreed it was okay still talking to people who had been our closest friends for years. But to be honest, as our relationship got more serious, eventually engaged and then married, those friendships diminished somewhat. Not because we consciously chose to dial down the friendship in favor of the other person but because we now had a new best friend and closest confidant in each other instead.
When Josh and I started dating, we both agreed it was okay still talking to people who had been our closest friends for years. But to be honest, as our relationship got more serious, eventually engaged and then married, those friendships diminished somewhat. Not because we consciously chose to dial down the friendship in favor of the other person but because we now had a new best friend and closest confidant in each other instead.
Some people have rules to never be alone with anyone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse...ever. Shortly after Josh and I got married, we both agreed that we wanted to have a joint Facebook account and share an email address. It has nothing to do with not trusting one another, but has everything to do with temptation.
What happens when a female coworker wants to treat you to lunch as a thank you for some work you did on a big project at the last minute? What if a guy you know on Facebook messages you for some advice about a situation because he knows you've had a similar experience to what he's struggling with? Or a high school crush ("we liked each other when we were 15, 20 years ago—how could that be a threat?!?") looks you up and wants to reconnect?
It is painfully obvious that marriage today is being greatly devalued and the divorce rate is higher than it's even been. Satan knows that God created marriage.. and designed both marriage and the family for our benefit. Satan knows the value of the family, how it is the fabric of a good solid society, the foundation of vibrant growing assemblies, and the future of God’s work on earth. If Satan can be successful in tearing down the structure and substance of the family unit, then he will be successful in damaging what is near and dear to God’s heart. We need to do everything we can to strengthen, protect and center our marriages and families on Christ to withstand the fiery darts from the adversary.
So what works for you and your spouse? What precautions and boundaries have you set in place? How much guarding is necessary, and how much is just getting paranoid? I would love to hear from you! Please comment below!
What happens when a female coworker wants to treat you to lunch as a thank you for some work you did on a big project at the last minute? What if a guy you know on Facebook messages you for some advice about a situation because he knows you've had a similar experience to what he's struggling with? Or a high school crush ("we liked each other when we were 15, 20 years ago—how could that be a threat?!?") looks you up and wants to reconnect?
No one of course goes out looking for an affair, but if you open yourself up to precarious situations, you can end up like the frog in a cold pot of water that ends up getting cooked because the temperature is raised just one degree each hour—such a slight progression that you might never see it coming.
It is painfully obvious that marriage today is being greatly devalued and the divorce rate is higher than it's even been. Satan knows that God created marriage.. and designed both marriage and the family for our benefit. Satan knows the value of the family, how it is the fabric of a good solid society, the foundation of vibrant growing assemblies, and the future of God’s work on earth. If Satan can be successful in tearing down the structure and substance of the family unit, then he will be successful in damaging what is near and dear to God’s heart. We need to do everything we can to strengthen, protect and center our marriages and families on Christ to withstand the fiery darts from the adversary.
So what works for you and your spouse? What precautions and boundaries have you set in place? How much guarding is necessary, and how much is just getting paranoid? I would love to hear from you! Please comment below!
-KIMBERLY-
-Alma 26-11:12
Labels: friends, God, husband, marriage, relationships, wife
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